Crying

[posey]

This morning started out just like every day starts. Same stuff all over again; can't hardly walk, chronic pain, fatigue, etc., and the BIG factor M. I feel dirty and buggy.

I cried for 45 minutes not because I am depressed. I cried because I want to kill myself and I can't. I'm not depressed, I just want to die. I want to go "home" to the Lord.

I feel at the end of my rope and pray to God to help me. I don't know if this is punishment for past sins, a way to keep me from more sins, or if there is some other purpose in it. I'm just shaking. I don't knw anything. I prayed and asked God take me soon and not let me suffer too much more.

Then I told my husband I wanted to kill myself but can't and that is why I was crying. I must say this is the firt time we have talked eye to eye and it helped to get it out to him. Although I still hope God will take me home soon.

Also, I told him if I go before him, if OK with our Church denomination my wishes are to be creameted; make sure the furnace is at 3000 degrees and stop these things from living on me. I feel like I am having the life sucked out of me. I don't want to give this M the pleasure of living on my dead tissue once I am gone. I think they can be self sufficient so blood may not be a single factor in their survival. I believe if there is no blood they will mutate to survive another way by living on other parts of a body so I want creamation.

Well there, I feel better. Thank you for your ear.

posey

[sammy]

Posey, Many of us feel this way like it will never get better. but a new day starts and things look better. It is very difficult at times too think about anything but this stuff going on. I just make one doctor appt after the other. trying too get relief. next 2 weeks i have 2 appts so I keep going trying too get answsers. hang in there sammy

[Gator]

Posey, please try to continue to pray.

All of us have probably wanted to take our lives and get out of our misery. You did the right thing by letting us all know you need support and prayer.

Suicide is not the answer. WE may never be cured, but we can get better.

Put you hand in the hand of the man who stilled the waters, turned water into wine.......get on you knees and cry out to God

May the Lord bless you and keep you.
May the Lord make His face to shine upon you
And give you His peace.

gator

[JimDoe]

posey i wish I could do something to help. I can,t say I know what you,re going through exactually, Or even if there are any right or good words to share in the emense suffering stages of this awful battle. I know my case of morgs must have been moderate to even mild. And even that drove me suicidal. I do know I,ve felt horrible and very depressed and plain old sad. Folks here reached out and offered me sympathy and good wishes of well being. You,ve always been upbeat and kind to me. I want to offer that much back to you. Thank you and thank you all here for that. I wish I could look into the magic ball so as to offer some sort of therapeutic path to make it any better. But all I know is salt salt salt and I know thats not going to work for, well ever how mnay that is. I wish I had something profound to share. Hope the maddening of depression lifts real soon. Bless you lady.

[Jo]

Keep keepin on Posey. A big hug and prayers from me xxxxx

[scabdraggr]

Hi Posey,I have been where you are right now and with some help from a higher power and some good friends I was able to heal and go on with my life.I now am busy daily helping others with this dilemma.If you wish to get better quickly then please listen to what I did that helped me.Once again,Ivermectin 1.78% with 14% praziquantel horse dewormer paste from the feed and seed stores or tractor supply.Also purchase a tube with 10% ivermectin only from safeguard that is at the same stores.The first day use two doses of two turns on the applicator guage that is on the tube.Once daily for 3 days afterwards if you can stand the sickness from the die off and discharge of the parasitic material.Use the praziquantel mix the first session and the next week use the 14% ivermectin the same way.Alternate weekly the types that I mentioned.The bowel movements will show you how infested that you are and just how ugly all this is inside us.If you have the lesions then use triple antibiotic ointment heavily and constantly on the lesions and keep the yellow gel like stuff removed from the lesions as it is deadly.Rinse with cold water and or soak a bunch with salts added into the water.This works and will allow you to return to a new life as the old one is about gone.I will continue to pray for you daily and will ask for many others to join us.You will be OK.If you live in europe the pm me your address and I will send the medicine to you free of charge.

[sammy]

Originally Posted by scabdraggr

Hi Posey,I have been where you are right now and with some help from a higher power and some good friends I was able to heal and go on with my life.I now am busy daily helping others with this dilemma.If you wish to get better quickly then please listen to what I did that helped me.Once again,Ivermectin 1.78% with 14% praziquantel horse dewormer paste from the feed and seed stores or tractor supply.Also purchase a tube with 10% ivermectin only from safeguard that is at the same stores.The first day use two doses of two turns on the applicator guage that is on the tube.Once daily for 3 days afterwards if you can stand the sickness from the die off and discharge of the parasitic material.Use the praziquantel mix the first session and the next week use the 14% ivermectin the same way.Alternate weekly the types that I mentioned.The bowel movements will show you how infested that you are and just how ugly all this is inside us.If you have the lesions then use triple antibiotic ointment heavily and constantly on the lesions and keep the yellow gel like stuff removed from the lesions as it is deadly.Rinse with cold water and or soak a bunch with salts added into the water.This works and will allow you to return to a new life as the old one is about gone.I will continue to pray for you daily and will ask for many others to join us.You will be OK.If you live in europe the pm me your address and I will send the medicine to you free of charge.

do you eat this stuff or how is it applied sammy

[jonsi]

Sorry to disagree with you scabdaggr, but I never used any pharmaceutical to get better. Everyone I know who used ivermectin is no better now than they were before they took it (short term maybe, but certainly not long term), in fact, some get worse in the long run.

posey, it sounds like you are going through a very hard stage of "Morgellons". You mentioned your husband & I am glad that you were able to talk with him.

Love to you, hang in there, it will get better.

In the white light,
~jonsi

[janedoe]

yeah, ive been there myself a few times, remember this, you wont die till your numbers up.. when your numbers up, you go.. meaning dont try suicide, if it isnt your time, you'll survive the suicide. have you ever seen a botched suicide? OMG, girl, see one guy with half a head because he put a gun to his mouth and LIVED.... that stopped me from ever trying it again.
your here for a reason. we all are, we just dont always know why... im sorry i havent been online much, its been very eye opening for me around here lately, i wonder if , on some days, my dad aint trying to bump me off!! no joke, so im gonna be leaving here, soon. i just have to do it the right way..( leaving this house, not the earth) once i got away for a few days, i was FINALLY able to see 'me' in the mirror, i havent seen 'me' in the mirror in a long time, but i know that i can and will get better, i just have to get away from here.. it may not be a bad idea for you to get yourself out for a few days, what do you think, your in southern cali, arent ya? lets go raise some hell! jims invited too!! if he doesnt hate me..

[cynical]

Hi Posey,

I am sorry you have been having a rough time. I myself have felt the exact same way during times with this. Not just this either life in general has gotten more difficult in every way, physically. emotionally and financially. If someone would have said I would be in this position five years ago I would have not even believed them for a second. I feel sometimes crying is a great needed form of release for us. I never realize on the days where it seems I can't stop but when it finally lets up it is as if a the weight has been lifted almost. Hang in there and I hope you have a better tomorrow.

Cyn