Stick a fork in me

[kmar]

.

Steve,
... great idea to hook Digit up with Christine.



Digit,


I'm saying an extra prayer for you tonight.


Dig deep into your heart and soul for ALL the strength you can find inside. ----- A strong mental outlook IS healing.


I found myself homeless, my car broke down and I really thought that I would not be able to take it anymore. Then I heard this song which helped me remember the person who used to be me.

I had to constantly remind myself that I WAS still strong emotionally and was/will be a survivor.


Trust that things CAN, DO, and WILL get better EVEN when "right now", it may all seem bleak and hopeless.

Believe it and "Stand" the best you can.

Sincerely,
Kmar

[carla]

Digit,I've been there and your post brought bad vivid memories of how bad things got for me.
I was on the verge of having my Children taken away from me because of my 'mental state' and if that had happened I know I'd be dead now.
Thank God, I found the strength to overcome it all and I hope you can too.

[fritolay66]

I almost started crying reading your post and going back through the memories of what your post brought to me. Digit, the hell you are going through, is so familar to all of us.

Its when our children are suffering along with us and just as sick, and then we are so sick that to support ourselves and our family only causes more sickness and the myraid range of anger mixed with sadness at this disease and what it does to everyone involved in it. What killed me the most is that the isolation I felt, is what I witness also happening to those I love that also have this.

I don't make this public to often, but I lost my home too. We survived but for the few friends we had in the Morgellons community that helped us thorugh that time. I think on a day by day basis, those of us whom have been fighting for so long tend to forget about those of you just starting on this journey. Atleast until one of you posts like this.

You are welcome to pm your phone number so we can talk if you like.

God Bless.

Frito

[fritolay66]

I wanted to describe a few holidays, especially Christmas that I personally have been through.

When my son was still young enough but older, and knew who Santa was but was still looking forward to Christmas morning. I remember he used to look forward to Christmas, and he would wake up early and scout the tree. After Morgellons, that tree was all but bare underneath. I will never forget the first time and the look of dissappointment on his face, the slump of his shoulders in defeat, and the slow walk back to his bed. That was when we did have a tree. Then it got worse, I lost my job, my home, and was so very sick. And eventually he became sick as well. I had to watch all that. There were a few Christmas' we didn't even have a tree. And I stopped putting decorations up.

I remember waking up on Christmas morning with nothing. No salutations from friends or family, nothing. And crying. And then the quiet. No laughter, just depression.

I wanted to add one more memory, a more recent one and my second to last Christmas. It was only in the last couple of years that we started to recover. But our second to last Christmas....When I lost my job and then my home shortley afterward, we were thankfully taken in by some friends. I had little money at the time but was able to buy a small live tree, by small I mean a one foot tree in a pot with a string of red tiny bulbs around it and a small gold glittered foam star. They allowed us to exist in their basement. I say exist as they became very abusive on a psychological scale. They had family over and we got to experience the making of Christmas dinner and starving ourselves. We had no food, so we got to smell it, and listen to it, but got to starve through it all. We got to listen to them opening their presents, their laughter, and got to experience being shunned and ridiculed amidst it all. And I got to watch the effect on my son as well. That one I will never forget, nor will I ever be thankful for it.

The holidays make this so much worse for so many of us, and even those of us whom have had it awhile. If I can help at all, it is to lend the fact that you are not alone.

Frito

[tcmgpt13]

Wow, Frito, that family sounds sadistic. It is truly an appalling story to hear. It could come straight out of a book by D i c k ens.

Hopefully this Christmas will be better for both you and digit. If you look hard I know that some kindness will show through somewhere no matter what your circumstances. I have been in a hard place at one time too, so I can say that this was true for me and my small children more than once. When something would look its darkest, there was always someone there to add needed support in one way or another.

God bless us all, everyone.

[Baraka Obam]

The long and the short of it is, nobody owes us nothing and they prove it all the time.

Frito I might have put on my Pipy long stockings outfit, raided their tree before morning and stole the food then checked into a shelter, fat with presents, LOL.

I truly hope you and your son have the best christmas this year, maybe somthing really really special will happen to make it that way, you just can't ever tell.

I could not imagine what you had to go thru, in fact I can not imagine what all the single mothers go thru with nothing and nobody and still have to perform for the children.

I am really proud of all these mothers, they are tough and beautiful.

My most horrible moment was when my stepfater had a heart attack, I was at my worse, I did not know if I even wanted to live at the time, was it worth it. He was dying, my mother begged me to come home, I said I could not, still she begged, I had to send her pictures that was devastating, still she pleaded i don't care how you look, I said, If I must come get another box ready because I will never be seen alive like this.

I could not believe after seeing my pictures that anyone could even stand to be near me, and I was right, the pictures helped to turn my once kind family into people that were in fear for their lives, mostly because of the bug people screaming about worms and such coming out of their skin.

I loved my dear old dad and it killed me not to be there for my mother at such a time, the rest of the family interogated me at my mothers funeral.

I also had to take care of her for about three years on and off to take the load off my sister, this while I hid away from all the people that come from hospice while I also treated myself.

Those days were very bad.

When a disease can take a person that was always happy and make them want to die that disease is a killer in more ways than one.

[lamb]

Digit.
Hang in there. You will have a life again... you must get up every day, believe that and keep on.
God is right there beside you even though you are likely hating on him at this point.
Do what you can do and do it as best you can.
We are all here praying for you and walking with you.
You can't see us but our feet are plodding with yours..every step.
Be grateful for small moments and you will find that those moments last longer.
God Bless you my Sister...we are all here with you every step of every way.

[Digit]

I'm not usually weak.
Not used to feeling helpless. Frito you got it in one.

Originally Posted by fritolay66

Its when our children are suffering along with us and just as sick, and then we are so sick that to support ourselves and our family only causes more sickness and the myraid range of anger mixed with sadness at this disease and what it does to everyone involved in it.
Frito

Mother lion roars to see her cubs suffer, but she's three paws chained down and swatting at an invisible foe.
You end up screaming out loud on the inside, then you can't hear yourself think and the crazy kicks in.
I took your advice folks, took some extra vitamins, took a really long walk. Let your voices rattle around my head and drown out mine. Seems like I spend a lot of time taking lately. Parenting has little to do with taking and lots to do with handing yourself out. But you have to become selfish to fight back, claim time as your own, money from the household, claim back time you'd normally be spending with them. Change the way your tribe functions to survive. I know that I'm saving myself to ensure their futures. I can deal with my own pain it's feeling helpless in the face of theirs that's driving me nutty.

My No1 daughter and I are building a barbed wire Christmas tree this year.
Shovel handle, fencing staples, silver spray paint, Kiwiana at it's finest.
Cathartic for Christmas.

Thanks to you all, for your support, Pm's, prayers and sharing of selves.
When your family and friends behave like strangers it's too easy to feel like you're alone in this. Thanks for reminding me I'm not.

[xiblanque]

Love you Digit!
xiblanque

[lamb]

KEEP ON GOING ! You have to get out and move..life goes on in spite of this insidious disease. I have walked in your steps and we all feel your pain.
Be pro active..do what you can do and do not fall pray to lethargy.
To quote from an old Simon and Garfunkel song called "Old Friends"

It is a Mother's Life to live for her children.

I repeat this mantra every day.

God Bless, we are all praying for you!

There is power in that.

XOXOXO