dont bother

[Natalie]

Hi Robin, thankyou for your reply. Im trying again. To deal, live and be happy.
I thought I had gotten rid of enough messages a couple of days ago when I wrote this rant. I guess I didnt, but deleted all so people can pm me today. Sorry folks. Ive been in my own little world of denial and it all creeped back in. I just figured cause I moved everything was gonna be ok. I would be healthy, still help our cause and go to school. NOT. Im worse health wise, applied too late for a grant. I can go in January. God knows whats best, not me!
I love animals more than people sometimes. I dont have any in my house cause of this disease. I do take care of outdoor animals though. I just get so much joy from them!
Stray dog!! Oh give him a kiss for me! Tell him my name too! I swear, their souls come in my dreams when they need a favor. Ive saved a few.
I certainly know where my passions lie. Animals!
Them and us!! Us little Morg. breeders! Sorry. I really do care and send love. Thankyou again for the replies.
peace, love and truth always, Natalie

[chester]

Thanks for your rant! The rage and range of emotions you speak of are so big to deal with, and regular life already presents enough of that....without this strange reality being thrown into the situation. The fear of this made me feel unable to deal with anything....so the rage was helpful, but kept inside it was impossible to contain and no one around me could understand what i was talking about. If i had to stay in that position...i thought i would go crazy. When i came here to rant and rave and people understood....it made such a powerful impact on me that i was accepted and not alone i finally felt some relief. I didnt know how to express all this, and when the words flew out in writing, i didnt know how healing that could be, or that it was ok to do, or that it was acceptable. Dealing with this alone is too big of a burden to bear, not being alone makes all the difference in the world. Will it change the situation, i dont know. What i do know now....is that at my weakest i have been strengthened knowing that you all care and understand. Now....i keep going forward for all of us, and when i want to give up...i dont....because it is easy for me to care about you, it is easy for me to see how wrong this situation is and how hard it is to deal with. There are times i go on an errand and come home. I open the car door and put out my feet to make my way inside, and i bend over and cry saying...oh God, i cant do this anymore. Inside the computer sits quiet and i turn it on....the connection to those who understand and care greets me with encouragement and strength that changes everything. It is amazing. thank you Natalie, thank you everyone.

[Natalie]

I had a feeling to come see this painful site I created! LOL!
When I started reading your post Chester I said Im not going to cry, did too much already. I cried though. I had to. Its a release. Thankyou Chester for getting real. I need you too. WE all need each other so bad. Its so humbling to have to meet others we dont know and form a trusting bond. Dont know about you all but I dont think Ive ever trusted as much as I do now. I had to take the leap of faith, else I die. Chester?? LOL!
Life is weird. Hows your dream state Chester? I love you and everyone. We dont have to like someone, just respect. But I throw some love in the mix too! Peace and love everyone!

[Sadsack]

I may have sunk too low to rant. It almost feels like I have pulled a veil over myself with the tiniest pinhole to peek through.
My life has been eviscerated by this thing. Mostly everything and everyone is gone...I have no interest in anything...I just want it all to end. I try to pray and become so angry that all I can do is cry. But sometimes I manage to beg God to take me from this. Not just the horror of what it is, but the way that we are shunned and rejected by almost everyone. I have no life, no hope...and I say why? I've never been lucky, or one to be in a tiny minority...but here I've won the jackpot.
I'm sorry, folks, but I am allowing myself to engage in a bout of useless self-pity. Anything else wouls be phony.
Maybe I'll pull up after I almost crash and burn...I just need to ride this...
SS

[Jo]

Hey Sadsack,

Its ok to be a sadsack. I just finished listening to this song and then saw your post...dont give up and we wont either...

YouTube - Don't Give Up - Peter Gabriel & Kate Bush (HQ Audio)

Love from

Jo xxx

[Natalie]

Its Friday evening that I just got on board. Heck of a week. Sadsack Im glad I came by. Please pm me for my number ok? Matter of fact, anyone who wants to talk can PM me.

SS, I swear to God theres a reason and we arent suppose to look for it. Please dont bang your heart and head for answers. Just get some comfort, anywhere. And if its booze then ONLY a little. ( thats me talking not Sadsack )

I dont sit on the phone long. I wont call your house unless asked. I dont push religion sex or politics. I have total respect and love for you and me and this illness.

My prayer is for the sad tonight. Peace be with all of us.

Dont forget, if you need me then just call! Get over it and call someone people!!!

[Sadsack]

Nat -
I pm'd you....
SS