Re: New Ranting Board

[MELISSAJ]

I'm ranting about being a slave to this disease...not the way I was last year, but come on, I am sick of 3 loads of hot water wash each day. I have no pets, but I have to vacuum daily. I wash and clean, but I'm still linty....

I know that I read in Psych 101 about the OCD person who washes their hands 250/day worried about germs. No wonder why they keep labeling us DOP.

Everytime I feel better and slack a bit (clean 4 xs/wk vs. 10 xs/wk), there are issues. The issues are less, but they still pop up again. It is a relentless organism. I would have never thought of flying lint as an organism, but I know better now. I often yearn for the good ol' days of complaints of politics, neighbors, finances, weight, bad weather, etc. The old days.

Lots of love and just a bit of vent...M

[Franky]

MELISSAJ thank you for that heartfelt post. It reminds me of my friend when he reached the point as well, where he felt he good do no right. Melissa try to keep your head up, You will get through it.

[hilly]

Yes, Melissa..... it's a nightmare.... but just a couple of words of comfort..

. I now don't have to clean nearly as much... last year, there was this sticky film of dirt, hairs, threads and goodness knows what, all shapes and sizes of horror and it all came back a few hours after I had cleaned... Now, it's really so much better and more like normal dust... still get masses on my laptop but even that's not as bad, and less of the red and blue fibres... Only have one dog now, and feel that that probably has helped... I really do feel I am slowly winning the battle (hush, must'nt say that, the critters might hear ) !

but I feel also from what you say that you are too getting better and winning.... it's a slow old process but with all the help and hints of what to do and what to buy from everyone here, it's not nearly so easy for the damned morg bugs.

The internet and Frankie's site has certainly helped us to win the battle and with all the friends and support here, we WILL WIN.... Milly x

ps I just can't imagine how dreadful it must have been for all the people who had this years ago before the internet and just had to suffer all by themselves..

[Tootsie]

you poor thing.....cleaning really SUCKS!!

It might make you feel better that some people actually do that for a living 8 hours a day! But at least they get paid!!

[MELISSAJ]

The hate to admit it thing is that I enjoy cleaning for the sake of it. I do find fun in the little things and always have...but this is different. I'm battling something and without staying on top of it for a day or two, it bites me and the family in the butt..literally and figuratively.

The good news is that I don't get deathly ill when I clean which means that I'm ahead of it. I would prefer to wear our pjs 2 nights in a row and use the towels 2 days in a row. I don't know what else to say except today I had a skin relapse/purge. Itty bitty fuzzies and dots smaller than dirt came out of me after the shower and DSP and AmLactin cream. They were not there until about 5 minutes after I put the cream on....I kept wishing that they were coming from the air and not out of me....a girl can dream.

I'll be fine and so will all of us.

M

[jonsi]

I wish I could let my daughter eat snow! (unless it has just fallen that day)

I wish I could eat Long John Silvers fish without my back going numb!

I wish we find the answer sooner than later!

~jonsi

[terri]

Well I wonder if its so that hopefully we can learn that we have lymes which can put us in wheelchairs disable us make us miserable, illnessness that can do a host of bad things to us and if like my Dr says that its a coinfection, make some take their life so yes Id like to be reminded that the tick and red rash the Lymes I has contracted didnt go away it was waiting and hiding to do this to me, so yes beloved husband of mine now in heaven , heaven it was Lymes that time I showed you and you said it wasnt, look at me now but ok then I love you anyway but now Im getting treated and I pray that if we already have morgs then Itll show the ones who didnt get to see their tick bites we have and got yes we have morgellons but its a coinfection from Lymes so treat it,never give up. We will win.

[chester]

Hello silence my old friend, ive come to talk to you again. Remember that song? As i drove home from my daughters house at 3am last night...it sang itself to me. I have found joy in the midst of my sorrows...humor bubbles from my spirit. Family has come for a 3 day weekend to stay with my daughter and her new baby. I thought i might get a break after months of "doing the mom thing" for her on the late shift. We are certainly getting re-aquointed after her 12 year marriage ended with suicide, and her premature baby. But....it is too hard for the visiting family...to do what i am doing. I continued my late night journey, over an hour of driving to and fro. The issues at her home are too delicate for others to handle, too anxious for others to jump into and give relief from . In the garage is the wound of suicide and premature death. In the room above is premature life and the flexibility and endurance and dedication it takes every 3 hours non stop to move a preemie to her due date and mature digestive system. Last nights drive was on sheer ice, a snow storm cannot stop a determined choice. I arrived to a house of slumbering guests and pets who were comforted knowing mom was on her way for the late night feeding. I, now a senior citizen, overcame the anxious drive listening to hip-hop music. My upper body coordination, and kinks melt away while i do a sitting dance to the music.The fast pace invitations of young singer i will never meet, of words that would make their own mother blush....give me the laugh, the humor, to fly over the meadow and thru the woods of all the sorrows of the past couple years. Late night life is a good world for me to live in with morgellons. I have the road to myself and can run errands in wally world with out anyone i know wondering exactly "when did she let herself go downhill?" I will add up the tally of repairs needed to hair, teeth, clothes, makeup sometiime in the future. I will call a friend and tell them....here is the sum of $ it will take to make me look tops again. My friends are all so busy with the old life, the one i used to know. I had 4 kids, 4 dogs and a big home to take care of. I did a good job, but the discovery of all the fibers about killed me. I was terrified. They were everywhere. I spent a year bent over with a black light trying to get rid of them. I spent a year working on ceilings and walls and getting rid of webs and the little black bugs. While i puzzeled over "what the hell happened", kids moved, dogs died and my empty nest was crammed with experiements. I vented to anyone who would listen, unable to contain the pressure of the invasion. My friends and family insulated themselves from my new life as nancy drew. I dont know what thoughts go thru their minds, but they have been kind. I have such a determined fight that the uncovering of facial lesions made appearance of secondary importance to me. This new face of open lesions over the past years battle with the bean, is all they see. Bless their hearts, they accept me just like i am.....and so i reward them by being silent about what i have given my life up to do for them, besides being mom. There are so many times i have wanted to run home, lay in my childhood bed and pullllllll the covers up and hide. It is a long ways away and i cannot take morgellons to them. They dont want to know and i dont want to tell them. All their surgeries and medications comfort them. All the webs i cleaned up at my last visit are kept at bay, at my insistance, by hometown family. I accept morgellons as my very own problem. I live on an island with it in silence. God sits with me on this island, He is my Rock, He puts a rhyme to my sorrowful poetry and turns it into rap songs that keep me laughing. Being so low, and so high at the same time gives me balance, endurance. I am old...i feel brand new. Hello little one, i say to my granddaughter....i am here again for you. I pet her back, i pat her shoulder, i feed her the late night bottle....she feeds my heart. Love lifts us up where we belong. Before long.....she will dance on my lap. She will see my face and it will be free of morgellons. By the time she can walk, we will be talking about how this mystery got solved....how we silenced it. I leave the slumbering house in darkness, alone. "Dont slip on the ice old lady," i chuckle to myself. The last of the seemingly embedded lesions on my face crack their new formed effort at a callus....as i smile beneath the clearing clouds. Time to go home...where my thoughts excape me, home where the musics playing, home where my love is waiting silently for me. The world sleeps in silence, as a car speeds across the icy streets, music blaring out the windows, the driver making jerky movements at the beat. At home the blinking light of cyber space wakes up, my place to vent. "Oh, thank heaven for seven eleven(store), has been replaced by oh, thank heaven for morgellon-disease-research. The only thing i most wish for as the daylight breaks...is to hear you laugh with me. ANd my prayer is that a world laughing at us....will be silenced.

[Jo]

Hey Nancy Drew! ,

Your words made me chuckle and have lifted me up.

Thank you xxxx

[niecy]

Nancy, you make me look at the world, both Morgellons, and the other world, in a different light. And it puts a smile on my face.

You made a statement that you didn't know of anyone who had been able to pull any of the pods out of their lesions intack. I have many, very many, and they are in femaldahyde(sure I misspelled that). They are at a university in Memphis, TN, with a professor of parisitology. The problem is, after he told me a couple of things he "thought" might be going on, he just QUIT communicating with me............it was very odd.
I just today, before getting on the forum, tried to contact him to no avail. I am about to make a road trip to see him, and I hope that he still has the samples. If he doesn't, there is a reason, and I am sure it would have something to do with why he stopped communicating. He was so very intrigued with the samples, he as much as said so. He said they were the most intriguing samples he had ever seen. He has been a PROFESSOR of PARISITOLOGY for almost 40 years!!
I for one, know that you are seeing the same thing that I have seen come out of my own body, and your story of retrieval is nearly exactly the same too.
I'm with you though, there will be answers soon, for all of us.

xoNiecy