Can't take it anymore.

[megluth72]

I hate to be a downer to everyone, but I am so down in the dumps right now and you are the only one that understands what is happening to me right now. We went out tonight to see some old friends, which turned into a lot of old friends, and the way they looked at me just about killed me. It was the classic, don't look at her face, but I can't stop looking. I feel so hideous. I can't stop the pain this intrusion is causing. I can't stop in from multiplying under my skin. I'm about to go out of my mind. I feel like so sort of freak that should be left in a closet. My family doesn't understand why I have to spend so much time getting the "things" out of my face to stop the stinging-biting pain. It's just too much right now. ............ ok, deep breath Meg.......... this too shall pass.

Guess I needed to vent before I started bawling in front of my family - who doesn't get it. Thanks for being an ear.

[Kritters]

MEG!!!!
you can't expect to go out in the normal social situation you are used to. We are different now. It's a fact. But one thing you have to know is that it will be okay. And soon. We will be fine. don't go out with people when you have these freaking lesions on your face. focus on what ever it is we have found to be helpful. We have to make the best of this situation and believe me....WE WILL OVERCOME. Just hold on, little sister. We are all in this together. It's freaking weird to say the least. We are in the twilight zone but the good news is that we are not in this alone.

love you, Megster!
xoxoxoxxo

[megluth72]

Ok, now I'm bawling. Thank you Krits - I appreciate everything you said and you're right. I'm just having an off night I guess. Gotta stop being a baby here and deal with the problem at hand. We shall overcome - scars and all!

Thank you!

[chester]

Megluth...i am so feeling what you are saying. I am on the count down ,to the one year aniversary of our son in laws suicide. I am proud of our daughter and granddaughter and each days battle to move forward surviving this horrible situation. At her request, we will meet at his favorite fishing spot, to rememer him...and to thank all those that helped deal with this. Selfishly...i dread going because of my open lesions. In full sunlight it is not the best sight to behold...my battle to remove it not mindful of the important social events that normally i would help with. I have oversteped my humiliation and embarrasment at my choice and decision to remove this invader thru hloidays and birthdays and my sons wedding and our family tragedy and blessed birth of our granddaughter. Thru it all i carry within me the baggage of emotions that this skin affliction has arroused within me. These emotions keep me from gettin the neded help i am so behind on concerning my teeth and my desire to have broken ones repaired because i need to eat. Yeah...i am so with you in your tears. With in this mess...under all the horrible humilating emotions is a battle cry. Its tears are made of fire. It burns up the feelings of shame and reminds me that this is not about me. This invader, with its anatomy and designs needs to come out to the light of day. We are saying that in our actions. Those around us look at us in curious disbelief and sadness. Yet under their appearance may lurk a hidden agenda that may one day force them to deal with exactly what we are being weighed down with. Will they endure with the patience and tollerance ....the fire that ignites our battle to work towards bringing our success in identifying and removing this invader? Maybe not. Maybe God has called us who can bare this...to do this firery work. Maybe someday this shamed face will shine with thanks from some of those folks who stare. Maybe not, we dont know what is up ahead. We just know to keep moving forward.

[Jo]

Hi ya Meg,

Thanks for sharing hun. We will get through this..yes..together. You feel it....it will pass, just keep going.

Sending you big hugs from across the pond

Jo xxxxx

[dragonfly1]

I totally understand where you are coming from, if I posted a before picture ad after of my entire body you would be shocked. My face and body were blessed in this life or my soul was blessed by the body that carries it, and now I am horribly marked and disfigured. Have you seen these yet? My entire body head to toe.............

[hilly]

Megluth and Dragonfly.... I'm so sorry with what you are suffering.... My problems are mostly Lyme and one or two others but the morgellons is much better recently and I think is due to two things which perhaps you could try..

One is Support Morgellons Organization DSP This site is run as you probably know by a chap called Marc who has developed some very helpful things. I have been using his Stardust powder in the bath and in the clothes wash. I also use his DSP body wash and wash my face neck and shoulders for about five minutes in this..

The other thing I'm using is DERCUT ontment which you rub onto the effected area three times a day and at the same time DERCUT drops. I take 50 drops twice aday in water.

I still have pimples but the little lesion scars have pretty well disapeared.

You can google Dercut and read all about it. It certainly takes away the itching. I heard about it from a person who's symtoms have completely gone. But I do think the DSP stuff works really well as well and really cleans everything.

Anyway, best luck and I do hope it gets better very soon. Hilly x

Do p.m. me if you want any further details.

[Sadsack]

Megluth, Chester, etc -
You certainly are NOT alone. I wish I could sleep 22 hours a day until God calls me home. Suicide is so tempting, but it is an unknown - what if it is worse afterwards? And I can't hurt the very few people who still give 2 whits about me. They don't know how I live or the pain I try to endure day in and day out.
Did I say how angry I am at this? I KNOW THERE ARE SOME WHO KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THIS IS AND HOW IT HAPPENED! But they let us continue to suffer the most horrific existence imaginable, day in - day our, month in - month out, year in - year out. They are demons, and make the Nazi death camps almost look like Disneyworld.
I can't take it either.
SS

[chester]

God said that He sets before us life and blessing, death and cursing. He says choose life so that you and your seed may live. When my son in law choose death by hanging himself....for my daughter to find at 4 months pregnant.... my daughter said....i want to live. We were thankful for every breath she took. When her premature 3and 1/2 pound baby was delivered by c-section due to emergency a month early...the cord was wrapped around the baby and strangling her. It was very scary!Today they are doing wonderfully, the entire family has worked hard to endure, moment by moment ,the wound that suicide inflicts to the hearts core...of everyone who knows and loves the person who chooses death. I have always wondered how he could have faith that suicide would make his pain end, yet not have faith to believe his pain would get better. It is Gods faithfulness that makes life get better...there are blessings to count everyday. There are some things in life that during that daily count ,we dont want to count on being there tomorrow. That is the way life is...it changes...it gets better and brighter. Our answers are not in blaming the darkness...but rather looking forward to finding solutions that bring light. It is good to be honest and say what we hate, and one thing i have learned that i hate: i hate my ugly thoughts. We all have ugly thoughts, and ugly days. I love being able to talk about them with others who feel the same. It is a mystery how that helps so much to feel better! I love it when that happens! I love it when i say..."i forgive everyone for everything"...cause i love to be forgiven.When i feel forgiven, i feel like dancing, so i do. I dont think my lesions are made by a man made artist. There are Bible prophecies that will come to pass whether we know about them or not. They will not just occur in our lives...but in the lives of everyone on earth.When we choose life and blessing we are making God happy. That is HIS will for us. He is not hampered or harmed by any man, nor does HE forget to bless us each day. We may forget to look...but, He forgives us. I have a friend who is hard to complain to....she always tells me 10 things that could be worse. Can you breathe,she asks me? Can you see, can you walk, can you eat? Are you safe? Some folks in this wolrd cannot enjoy even those benefits God says that He daily loads us with benifits. Another friend says to me...enjoy the simple things in life like...do you have hot water? If you have hot water she says...all is well. In my issolation with facial lesions...i think of my friends who seem to have abandoned me, and i remember their words, and if i stop being angry that they are not helping me...i am blessed by their friendship even when i dont see them. When i do see them....because i tend to be a caretaker...often they had me busy meeting their needs. This is the problem with caretakers...we are good responsible caring folks who can do a good job investigating skin ****. We are detailed and eager to help for the better good of the problem. But, to do it....we have to be left alone by everyone who is used to our help. I am thankful i am left alone to deal with this, but i could not see this for a long time. Now, i see that if i deal with this....when others have to, i will be able to help them. I am not predicting doom and gloom wishes...but i am being realistic. I have investigated this stuff we are finding. It is in the homes of my friends...it is on their skin glowing. If they knew about it...and i looked but did not tell them....if they see it they might panic like i did. Right now...im not ready to help them with this, but i hope to be sometime in the future. I think we are moving forward. Look at all the wonderful folks who come here with tears and time given towards research and contribution of years of different things they have found that helps, or not. There are many words that need to be spoken about what a miracle it is that we can do this via the internet, and not even understand how that works. So we dont have the answers, but now we have each other. From the worst thoughts to the very best...this is so much better than being alone and paniced. The range of emotions about it...from fear to anger to rage to heartbroken to responsible action go around like a merry-go round. The theories and products go round like a merry-go round. But, i am not going in circles, nor are you. What a blessing it is that we can move forward. Oh, that i could extend my hand into my grand daughters daddys hand and lift him back into this life. As long as we choose life...there is always blessings for each day. Thats a promise i get to tell you is true, because i am old, and maybe odd also...but, choose life! God is faithful to bless your choice no matter what things you hate about today.

[Sadsack]

Chester -
I, too, think that our affliction is was prophesized. Does that mean that it was NOT created by evil men? Wars are also prophesized; that doesn't mean that God created them.
SS