Anxiety and nt being able to move- anyone else?

[posey]

It almost seems like some sort of paralysis.

I'm sitting on my wooden chair and afraid to move. I go through spells of this and it's awful. I also go through spells of suicidal ideation and these are horriffic. I also get tightening in my throat from anxiety and this nauseates me.

Sometimes I'm just afraid of stirring up some dust which might land on me.


I pray God will forgive me for not wanting to live any longer when life is a blessing from Him.

[Kritters]

Posey,

What a timely post you have just written. I spent the beginning of my day very resourceful and business oriented. Last night, however, I was extremely depressed and hoped to wake up this morning with a new attitude. It worked at first, but then slowly but surely, the depression set in. With it came the "f*** it all. Why? Why is this the deal?

IS life a BLESSING? I wonder.

All we can do is get through it the best we can.

xoxoKritts

[posey]

Kritts, you always seem so upbeat, this surprises me. I am sorry that you and anyone else gets these emotional spurts.

I believe life is a blessing from God because without it we would not be here, therefore we would never be able to have eternal life with Him where none of this awful stuff will exist.

People are the ones who cause/create all the misery and havoc in the world. It is the self-serving, narcistic, power and money hungry people. Don't get me wrong, I like money too. We all need it to live on and to enjoy things in life.

However, in my life it does not come first and it cetainly is not something I want no matter who I may hurt. Love of God and then people come way before money.

I've never seen a hearse with a U-haul behind it.

[mmarsha]

Hello girls,
We all fight this demon called depression from time to time and now as the holidays are approaching and a lot of us including my self have spent every dime we had trying to get rid of this horror and trying to find out what it is. Some times I wonder why it had to be me. What have I done so horrible to deserve this. Even though I am mostly better I am broke and in horrible debt as i have been unable to work for the better part of two years. And as we all know our bills do not wait. I lift my eyes up to the mountains of the Lord where does my help come from. He is my help. And in him will i trust in these troubled times. He, God is really all I have left and I hold on to him as my very life depends on it, because it does. I love you Kritts, you always make me smile so keep making people smile soon you will be smiling again too... And posey don't ever feel alone because you aren't and you will find your self on the other side of this little spot you seem to be in . My prayers are with us all.
mm

[Sadsack]

Posey -

You are describing a state of mind/emotion that I nearly lived in for the first year. I was afraid of everything! If it weren't for the fact that I had moved 1200 miles away from all my supports a year and a half before (trying to set up my "dream retirement" - others were to move down after me) then I would still be stuck in that horrible place.

I had to shop, go here and there, because there was no one near me to help. For a long time I was still stuck even though I was forced to go out. Often, I wore surgical gloves. How embarrassing.

Finally, I broke down and got a script for Xanax, which I used judiciously. Little by little I took more chances. As my condition did not worsen with these experiences, I took even more chances and have now virtually weaned myself off of Xanax.

I played golf for almost 30 years and thought I would never be able to do it again...I couldn't imagine myself outsided under the chemtrails for several hours, around bugs and chemicals. But I was so desperate to do something to escape from thinking about this that I started playing again.

I have lost much physical strength, so it's been a slow start, but I have gotten to the point where I play as often as I can. Some of the old feeling is returning, the concentration, etc, and - except for the occasional look up to see the chemtrails (and I whisper f--- you under my breath), I completely get away from this. It is almost miraculous.

Don't give up. I used to pray for death, even tried to will my heart to stop beating. I won't lie - if I were to suddenly develop a terminal illness, I would welcome it (though I'd prefer a heart attack in my sleep). But I'm not obsessed with thoughts of death anymore.

I am going to find the Amy Withington talk from the '09 Austin conference. Please read it, OK?

SS

[Sadsack]

Posey -

Here's the link to Amy's presentation:

Dr. Amy Withington from 2nd annual Morgellons conference

SS

[brat789]

I don't have anxiety much anymore, and I know I suggested it to someone else..or maybe you in another post, but for those who suffer from it, it might not hurt to get a physical and have the thyroid checked. Thyroid problems seem to accompany this in many of us. Mine went from overactive to underactive and when it was overactive I was anxious about everything. I would lie in bed my heart racing convinced I was going to die and that was before I knew about this Morgellons. I would take Benadryl just so I could go to sleep at night and calm down. It might not be thyroid, but its just a thought of mine I thought worth mentioning.

As for depression I get it too. I don't know if Morgs affects Seratonin levels but I do know that knowing I have it depresses me to no end! I can honestly say I wish I didn't know. I didn't know for a while and I should have left well enough alone. I pray to God at night and tell him I will take this Morgs ten fold if he would just cure my little boy of it. I ask my son about his day at school and many times he'll tell me certain things but everyday there are things he doesn't remember and I think is he kidding? He forgets a lot of things, just like I do. He has purple bags under his eyes like I do. He is only in Kindergarten so it remains to be seen how this disease affects him and progresses. Will my son be like the 10% they say show autistic like behavior? If I ever find out a company or individual is responsible for this crap... heads are going to roll.

Now that I've blown off some steam, while things could be much better they could also be much worse. I think of people who have to watch their babies go through chemo. The other day on my way home from work, I came upon a bunch of firetrucks and a police officer outside examining the guardrail. Next to the guardrail was a motorcycle on its side. I stopped and asked a young fireman if the driver was okay. He said "no a guy just died here". They didn't know how or why he lost control of the bike, but he had lost control, was thrown from the bike into the guardrail. As I drove away I thought to myself "dear God, that could have been anyone. That guy was just out cruising on a beautiful day and never knew that would be his last ride, or the last time he would see his wife and kids." I think of my mom's cousin who, the same week she had to have her legs amputated due to complications of diabetes, lost her husband unexpectedly to liver problems. The one person who could help her after losing her legs and he was gone. She went through depression but picked herself up and did the best she could to be independent. She was an only child and had no children herself so he was all she had. Or my friend who has had non-hodgkin's lymphoma since 21 years old and has battled it with years of chemo. She wanted a child so bad, and while in remission conceived, but miscarried at 6 or 7 months. Now at 34 her life will soon be over, they've called in Hospice. So while things could be so much better I am thankful they aren't any worse and I am thankful for my remaining health, my family and for this board and all of you.

Its only natural to get down because of this. There are so many facets to this disease and so many theories and the fact that little is known about it is nothing short of disheartening. But I believe we will get to the bottom of it. With determination comes success, and I see all of you on here and we are one determined group.

[jonsi]

I get depressed too. Holidays are a difficult time.

I wish we could form a state to move to so we could support and help each other. Meet each other face to face! Get some good tbm treatment www.tbmseminars.com (or biotec), plant some healthy non-GMO crops. In the mean time we have this site. I'm so blessed to have all of you supporting me. Back to you, too.

In the white light,
~jonsi