I AM A DRUG-ADDICT

[standswfist]

That song stuff. It is total therapy. Rascal Flatts has got be one of my favorites. I have dedicated a little song to myself, in fact. Thanks stinky, it was the final boot in my butt.

Mold. Yes, it played a huge part in my disease but there was something much more to it and I knew it.

So here I will stand (in shame) in front of you all to tell you that I am a drug-addict...a "recovered" drug-addict, that is. Certainly nothing to be proud of, naturally and I could come up with many exuses (like fatigued) for the reasons I even "went there" but that is all they would be. Exuses and as far as I can see, there is none for this.
I watched myself go into the extreme with this plague, every time I indulged. The less I slept, the worse I got. The more I did it, the worse I got, the less I ate, the worse I got....all triggerring a deficient immune system. I lived off of coffee and speed. The coffee fully kicked the speed into high geer. In fact, the speed had NO EFFECT with out it. I experiemented in all sorts of ways with my habbits and my results. I often wondered if this is the new war drugs, in fact and you know what? It very well could be just that. I have very strong reasons to believe this because even though I was a fool, I was a very aware, fool. I prayed through my experience and I thank Bugsick for her post on the Power of Prayer. Without that, in my life, I would have been doomed with no way out. Know why? I was now so addicted that I COULD NOT STOP. I no longer had any control over it. I knew the genetically engineered plague had got me. My body was now "it's machine". They almost had me all the way. I had already "convicted" myself when i was an big enough idiot to post a photo that showed narcotics in my blood. My Encrypted message took off like a wild fire. Helicopters flew over my house damned near on a daily bases. My television screen had dialed me in with the square black box. My computer dialed me in to the entire system...my cell phones tapped as well as my home phone. I never would have chosen Vonage because i knew how it worked. Little did I know, Broadband IS the same as Vonage but they never told me. My senses are just as strong as ever, if not now stronger than before. Can I proove all this? Sure can but my words should be enough and I will leave it at that. I'm going way out on a limb, here, but not without my faith.
Why did these helicopters fly over my house? Could have been coincidence, or maybe not but they have special equipment that can zoom right on in through the ol roof top. They can tell how much $ is in my house (reason for the new $ made because it has thin metal bar strips in it now). This is how they detect it. And from what I understand, they can also see how much drugs are in the house. How do they detect that part??? Well, put it together, is all I can say, I think I have gone far enough already~

Know why I am so thrilled with this MegaAPlus product? Because one day I woke up and made a decision...I was done. I would never go back to that crap. My family, thank God I had a husband to raise those 2 boys while I was "out to lunch". My boys are fine, not effected by this disease. Perhaps the original write up in Wikipedia had alot to do with it. The long hairs lodged in the childs back is to deliver the child from cough and convulsion. Those long hairs that I plucked from Tristens back were given to our family physician, God as my witness. They were approximately 3-4 inches long.
But the MegaAPlus. Everytime I craved that devils dust, I went to the MegaAplus. I never went through withdrawals. Not once. I have more energy than I ever have had in my life. pure, natural energy and my dark circles have diminished. My bowel movement are on a daily schedule (this is another 1st for me), I feel as though I could literally run a marathon and plan on joining the gym, now. The crap that still continues to leave my body is undescribable and incredable. I did have 23 parasites. I am still down to 4, that I know of. One of them ~ 11 inches long. I will be glad to see him go, if he has not already. Perhaps this story will be my final cleansing, I do not know.
Roma being here was another educational experience for me. (I hope she doesn't get mad, should she find this post and read it) but her situation only confirmed mine. However, her issues are not illegal. Romas delusions kicked in with every pain pill. She has been on them for more than 5 years. She has a serious "wall" up, thinking that she cannot live without them. I did my best, it is all I can do. If she could only open her eyes to see that those damned pain pills obviously are not going to "heal" her. WHAT PRESCRIBED MEDICATIONS EVER WILL?!?! NONE. ABSOLUTELY NONE OF THEM WILL EVER HEAL. Never. They only feed the money market. Nothing more, except to keep you coming back. Sorry. Not me, no thank you. Forgive me, Roma.

A very long time ago, I sat in a lawn chair in front of the 5th wheel we had to temporarily live in. It was late. I could not sleep. The moon was full and bright. I cried out to God. I was not sure I could take much more. I had lost everything and my sanity was next on the list. He answered me. He told me to "Give it to Hm and I woud be Victorious". Yes, Bugsick. The Power of Prayer is absolutely AWESOME!

My Victory has landed and my blood, cleansed. Even have the test to proove it....0 narcotics in my system. And THIS is MY song...

When The Sand Runs Out...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iA8jaKUimew
Standwfist... I won my battle, Amen

[hilly]

Well done Standwfist.... what a battle and you've won... keep it going, you're strong and you've proved it ;>) Hilly x

[ladycolorado]

thank you standswithfist for your honest post. i am glad you have confronted the demon and have taken charge of your life. as for roma, she is a good lady. this disease is evil and in roma's case is more vicious then way disease attacks me in regard to her face and her skin and mouth and bones, etc. mine is mostly been issues of walking or thinking, i took control of disease thanks to the good people in here or would have been much worse, i would probably have no hair and be covered in lesions if not for this place. not to mention crippled. but in the days had to fight before meds, i admit had to drink at least once every two days or so to fight pain and to keep lesions out of mouth. of course i have oral protocols which also help, but before the meds, i noticed brandy would kill any lesions trying to start in my mouth. however, i do not go through withdrawls like an alcoholic does thank goodness. i will implore all those who read this to register with morgellons.com to have a chance of being in the vaccine study conducticng in usa. has worked in london this vaccine, kills disease in 7 days. half will get a placebo, my only fear if get placebo and not on meds, i could deteriorate. but it is either this or wait three years. unfortunately, i know no details of the study yet, where or who or what or how many shall be involved. i do however, know will be looking in the regristrants of morgellons.com for patients. i agree with you totally standswithfist, spirituality does help folks with this disease as we are in a trial of fire, i.e, not like god hates us but just the testing we get with pain and adversity regarding morgellons disease. music is also a way i have fought disease, i sing to music and is a natural way i have combatted pain. endorphins can be naturally produced. i wanted to add standswithfist, i am very glad you have not left. really, i do mean this. you have much to share with us. the how and why of this disease can drive us crazy, i get very mad about those who tinker with nature for profit, or unkown agendas. however, my main concern is that we improve and get better. to one day walk away from this hell and then if well if disease if ever proved to exist by the sceptics (i am not holding my breath) then we can kick hinie and take names. i will say if there is a class action lawsuit regarding this i would happily be the first to sign. i guess how i stay sane is i try to focus on the positive, and put the things aside which i can do nothing about. you HAVE to stay positive if can, being sad and afraid makes us more tired and sick, and what the disease wants, for us to give up. as for us, i think roosevelt spoke well regarding diplomacy, "speak softly but carry a BIG stick" meaning not to beat folks, lol, but to have strength and conviction in the fight against this disease with a diplomatic voice. take what positives you can and concentrate on those. the unsolvable dilemmas one has to file away for later. my true advice, one's frankness about this disease should be in here, with those of us who are sick, the outside world cares not or understands. dermatologists are not the ones to seek for help, but perhaps those who are ialds, (the true lyme literate docs) ones who also say they treat realted issues. if cannot find these, then do alternative medicine if necessary. with morgellons disease, we are in a world where we have (flat earth thinkers), those who think our trials are just a campfire tale of horror, like we are mentally creating the disease. i wish this was so, i wish i was wrong, but my bloodwork backs up the fact i am sick. if you truly wish to take positive action, sign petitions do blogs, whatever it takes. two i think may be making us more sick, but not the only ones: monsanto and those who can register on the "bug" movie blog, they are putting out a movie saying we are delusional regsarding morgellons disease, and have a terrible propoganda spin, (LC).

[Tootsie]

Standswfist

Theres no need to be ashamed, addiction can happen to anyone. I was a meth addict too, many years ago. I dont regret it because it ultimately brought me to where I am today and was what i had to go through at the time so I could learn and grow.

I would never want to go back though!! And Ive slipped a few times, its a weakness for me. Removing freinds from my life that still used was key in recovering. Even if I wanted to use again I wouldnt have a clue where to get it now. But if someone layed a line out and handed me a straw Im not sure I could say no.

I never had morgellons sypmtoms when I used but heard of peoples getting sores and thinking worms were crawling out of their skin. i noticed my skin got very dried out and I lost alot of weight and looked really unhealthy but nothing more than that.

thanks for sharing your story!

[hilly]

My weakness is white wine.... have more than I should. ;<( Hilly

[redibooks]

Well, I can say I've been there too. Its quite a few years since anything kept me up all night, or all week so I don't think its in any way related to my morgellons infection, but is certainly a part of my history.

Just one more thing many of us have in common...

xo k

[hilly]

Yes, but there are limits... lol trouble is with this bl....y thing, you need some comforts and it does help to hide the pain..... H x

[ladycolorado]

yeah before catheter, i had to resort to absente, the new and legal form of absinth, absinth has been outlawed over a huindred years. the small amount of the safer poison southern wormwood seemed to knock back pain disease well. here is the link http://www.absente.com . not it's old cousin makes you hallucinate, but a newer safer version (LC).