funny stories.

[ladycolorado]

Sometimes some things are not funny at all at the time, but are looking back. Two were when I was feeling "cool" but were major "dork moments" . When i was 18, and lived in Florida I was hanging out with some friends on the beach, and I had a favorite pair of "super-cool" jeans. They were Levi's but they were special. They were acid washed, quite expensive and a brilliant turquoise like a desert sky with clouds. I was of nice physique, never had an ounce of fat on me until had kids years later. I had paired then with a British flag t-shirt with the sleeves cut off for this particular outing. Everyone liked me in this group, I was new to Florida fresh from California, although why I had no idea, lol. Well, anyway, was having fun, then for some reason i had worn these jeans so much was time for retirement. I had bent over or something, and well the zipper called it quits and busted open. I ran to the car and was leaning against it on the other side hiding what happened. Of course everyone said hey, come talk with us. Well I wasn't gonna budge and talked somebody into taking me home thus the end of the evening, lol. Here is another moment of "super cool" turned into "super dork" in the blink of an eye. My recovery was not quite so graceful from this one. My ex husband and I had a married Mexican couple who were good friends named Ralph and Mary. We'll we were dining at a Mexican restaurant and the conversation was amusing and witty. I was pregnant with my son Seth and bigger than the Titanic. However, I was smartly groomed and in a nicely tailored skirt and blouse. well, I decided to freshen up and use the restroom. All went well and I confidently walked out for resumption of my social outing. Here comes the good part. Little did i realize that I was sporting before all of the patrons, my husband and my friends a six foot long toilet paper "tail". It had gotten stuck in my nice conservative skirt. Well, that was the end of a fun evening and a fun friendship. Hey us preggo gals have a hard time seeing the ol' caboose, ya know? Let's just say "hindsight" is NOT always twenty-twenty, okay? I have saved the best for last. It was long ago, gee like 8-9 years or so. After i had had Seth. I was a hostess at Sam's Town Casino for Smokey Joe's Restaurant, a huge place seated over 360 people served steak and lobster and stuff. Cool sounding job huh? Kinda. Except for the fact that Corporate chose the world's stupidest looking uniforms for us (what's up wth THAT? ) . Remember the show "The Beverly Hillbillies" and the ugly high necked country old lady dress granny wore? Well, we had that, except worse. There was a pucker in front of the denimn skirt part made even the skinniest lass look like there was a bun in the oven. It gets even better. To look even more like a hick, they chose a "smart" red and white checked fabric that would have worked well for a table cloth , but NOT for a dress. This however, was not quite stuipid enough. there were red and white squares , and in the white squares were quaint little red roosters. I think even Ellie Mae would have puked on this get up. One concession our bosses made, was because the restaurant was large and the place was mobbed we did lots of walking too, was to let us wear white tennis shoes. Well, on a very busy night, it was when had lost quite a bit of weight from walking from this job I had decided to wear a skimpy pair of black silk flowered panties and the flowers were brightly colored. Unfortunately although dainty, I had worn them while fatter. there were little spaghetti strings on the sides. during a quiet moment amongst the hustle and bustle I paused near the pastry warmer to catch my breath, stationed at the center of this restaurant. "Ploop", and my panties promptly fell around my ankles. Have you ever ladies tried to get off panties over tennis shoes? pulling them up was out of the question, as would have been too obvious. I quickly shuffled my feet and got them off and nervously looked around. Thank god, no one had seen! If they had, mark my words i would have run screaming out of the casino, never to be seen again. I quickly stuffed them behind the menus and went to the podium and stuffed them in my little purse. I worked without panties until the next break. No joke.

[ladycolorado]

Sometimes some things are not funny at all at the time, but are looking back. Two were when I was feeling "cool" but were major "dork moments" . When i was 18, and lived in Florida I was hanging out with some friends on the beach, and I had a favorite pair of "super-cool" jeans. They were Levi's but they were special. They were acid washed, quite expensive and a brilliant turquoise like a desert sky with clouds. I was of nice physique, never had an ounce of fat on me until had kids years later. I had paired then with a British flag t-shirt with the sleeves cut off for this particular outing. Everyone liked me in this group, I was new to Florida fresh from California, although why I had no idea, lol. Well, anyway, was having fun, then for some reason i had worn these jeans so much was time for retirement. I had bent over or something, and well the zipper called it quits and busted open. I ran to the car and was leaning against it on the other side hiding what happened. Of course everyone said hey, come talk with us. Well I wasn't gonna budge and talked somebody into taking me home thus the end of the evening, lol. Here is another moment of "super cool" turned into "super dork" in the blink of an eye. My recovery was not quite so graceful from this one. My ex husband and I had a married Mexican couple who were good friends named Ralph and Mary. We'll we were dining at a Mexican restaurant and the conversation was amusing and witty. I was pregnant with my son Seth and bigger than the Titanic. However, I was smartly groomed and in a nicely tailored skirt and blouse. well, I decided to freshen up and use the restroom. All went well and I confidently walked out for resumption of my social outing. Here comes the good part. Little did i realize that I was sporting before all of the patrons, my husband and my friends a six foot long toilet paper "tail". It had gotten stuck in my nice conservative skirt. Well, that was the end of a fun evening and a fun friendship. Hey us preggo gals have a hard time seeing the ol' caboose, ya know? Let's just say "hindsight" is NOT always twenty-twenty, okay? I have saved the best for last. It was long ago, gee like 8-9 years or so. After i had had Seth. I was a hostess at Sam's Town Casino for Smokey Joe's Restaurant, a huge place seated over 360 people served steak and lobster and stuff. Cool sounding job huh? Kinda. Except for the fact that Corporate chose the world's stupidest looking uniforms for us (what's up wth THAT? ) . Remember the show "The Beverly Hillbillies" and the ugly high necked country old lady dress granny wore? Well, we had that, except worse. There was a pucker in front of the denimn skirt part made even the skinniest lass look like there was a bun in the oven. It gets even better. To look even more like a hick, they chose a "smart" red and white checked fabric that would have worked well for a table cloth , but NOT for a dress. This however, was not quite stuipid enough. there were red and white squares , and in the white squares were quaint little red roosters. I think even Ellie Mae would have puked on this get up. One concession our bosses made, was because the restaurant was large and the place was mobbed we did lots of walking too, was to let us wear white tennis shoes. Well, on a very busy night, it was when had lost quite a bit of weight from walking from this job I had decided to wear a skimpy pair of black silk flowered panties and the flowers were brightly colored. Unfortunately although dainty, I had worn them while fatter. there were little spaghetti strings on the sides. during a quiet moment amongst the hustle and bustle I paused near the pastry warmer to catch my breath, stationed at the center of this restaurant. "Ploop", and my panties promptly fell around my ankles. Have you ever ladies tried to get off panties over tennis shoes? pulling them up was out of the question, as would have been too obvious. I quickly shuffled my feet and got them off and nervously looked around. Thank god, no one had seen! If they had, mark my words i would have run screaming out of the casino, never to be seen again. I quickly stuffed them behind the menus and went to the podium and stuffed them in my little purse. I worked without panties until the next break. No joke.

[Tootsie]

Funny stores LC! You wont feel so bad after reading mine!

My friend and I did some primitive camping out in the mountains. we didn't see anyone for couple a days. My friend was off somewhere doing her own thing, i decided to take a walk in the woods. We were up pretty high in elevation and I found this rock that was overlooking the nearest city and the view was gorgeous! The sun was out and very warm and i decided to take advantage of the suns rays and took all my clothes off. I was totally relaxed and spread out on this rock for about 10 minutes before i heard footsteps and before i had a chance to cover myself this man came right up to me and saw me stark naked, we both were shocked!! Luckily he had a girl with him and he told her to turn around and I could hear her say"whats wrong honey?" She was behind him and didn't see me
It was embarrassing at the time but now when I think of it it was pretty funny

[Tootsie]

Funny stores LC! You wont feel so bad after reading mine!

My friend and I did some primitive camping out in the mountains. we didn't see anyone for couple a days. My friend was off somewhere doing her own thing, i decided to take a walk in the woods. We were up pretty high in elevation and I found this rock that was overlooking the nearest city and the view was gorgeous! The sun was out and very warm and i decided to take advantage of the suns rays and took all my clothes off. I was totally relaxed and spread out on this rock for about 10 minutes before i heard footsteps and before i had a chance to cover myself this man came right up to me and saw me stark naked, we both were shocked!! Luckily he had a girl with him and he told her to turn around and I could hear her say"whats wrong honey?" She was behind him and didn't see me
It was embarrassing at the time but now when I think of it it was pretty funny

[Franky]

Thanks for the funnies, its always good to have some fun among all this turmoil. Friski some how I think that happens to you often.

[Franky]

Thanks for the funnies, its always good to have some fun among all this turmoil. Friski some how I think that happens to you often.

[Brenda]

How 'bout this one. My ex-husband & i went to the wedding reception of one of his co-worker's (and friend of ours) daughter. Cliff was giving the reception at his house, a beautiful 5 bedroom, 3 1/2 bath pool home. The party was fun, everybody was happy. We were all drinkin' quite a bit, sittin 'round the pool when i heard someone say somethin' 'bout jumpin in & heard sounds of splashing. Now there was nobody wearin bathin suits & i had enuff of a buzz to think it sounded like fun. I tried to get my husband (now exhusband) to jump in with me & he refused. I was used to his being a stuffed shirt, a party pooper, so i jumped in splashed around & got out to a huge towel & some dry clothes. (we always took extra clothes for 2 reasons...1) it was quite a drive, about 1 3/4 hrs and 2) we usually drank too much so we would stay overnight & part of the next day) For about a week he acted upset with me and wouldn't tell me why. So after about a week of the "cold shoulder" he was tellling some other friends about the incident and lo and behold.................alot of people had jumped into the pool dressed that nite, but me in my little denim mini skirt was the only female that did!!!!!

[Brenda]

How 'bout this one. My ex-husband & i went to the wedding reception of one of his co-worker's (and friend of ours) daughter. Cliff was giving the reception at his house, a beautiful 5 bedroom, 3 1/2 bath pool home. The party was fun, everybody was happy. We were all drinkin' quite a bit, sittin 'round the pool when i heard someone say somethin' 'bout jumpin in & heard sounds of splashing. Now there was nobody wearin bathin suits & i had enuff of a buzz to think it sounded like fun. I tried to get my husband (now exhusband) to jump in with me & he refused. I was used to his being a stuffed shirt, a party pooper, so i jumped in splashed around & got out to a huge towel & some dry clothes. (we always took extra clothes for 2 reasons...1) it was quite a drive, about 1 3/4 hrs and 2) we usually drank too much so we would stay overnight & part of the next day) For about a week he acted upset with me and wouldn't tell me why. So after about a week of the "cold shoulder" he was tellling some other friends about the incident and lo and behold.................alot of people had jumped into the pool dressed that nite, but me in my little denim mini skirt was the only female that did!!!!!

[ladycolorado]

well Friski, i love you have been adding humor posts on here. this is good, sometimes we need to have a good laugh. well, now i am composing a sequel for you and the and the others to get a giggle from. practical jokes i have played on others. not out of spitefulness, but to add mirth to the everyday grind of things. well first off , it seemed like my life in Memphis tn with my folks and my former career in the casino industry working fatigue filled grave shift was good fodder for getting silly to stay awake. also, my three and a half year stint for family dollar distribution center (how i got to really get to know their products are cool) in a hellish environment of humid heat and no ac or heat and wanting to have fun. well i will start with the first story in my trilogy (ever notice how things come in threes?). one day at home with my folks, my step-dad played a cool joke on me. he opened the door to the Cadillac and said, HOW did THIS get in here? i looked in horror to see a dog turd and was quite baffled and disgusted. well, then he was laughing hard at my expense to show me it was rubber, which was quite funny. i thought to myself, i HAVE to have that! well sure enough where else to take it then a sweaty miserable warehouse that was my work, and so i did. first off, i placed it into a plastic tote , they were notorious for having gross stuff in them when returned. i called my friend Babara Hopkins over, a cute little black girl with a mouse like voice. well, the reaction was not what i would have expected, it was horror! her face turned ashen and she screamed like it was a tarantula or something! she was still shaking poor girl, when i showed her it was rubber. it did look real even had the glisten of a real turd. i kinda felt bad after that one, but had to forge on with the great experiment! my next victim was a module cleaner, a nice white older lady named Evelyn who was a module cleaner. she was sweeping an area and when she was not looking i plopped the rubber turd down on the ground. i said to her "don't you think you should DO something about THAT?" well, her face became so twisted with a look of disgust that her lip curled in a way that would have made Elvis proud with his famous sneer. when i showed her it was fakes our sides hurt with laughing. well, time for a third experiment. i was at that time a bulk orderfiller, no easy job for a woman. i threw 425 cases an hour many weighing 60-90 lbs onto a conveyor belt so they could go to shipping. things like electric blankets and bulky things too. and very heavy stuff like twelvepacks of detergent powdered which i had to get with a leg too to throw. the liquids on the ground floor were the heaviest. i was darn good at that job too, all the men really resected me for my strength. then you also have to consider that west memphis ar is a miserable little place. humid and heat indexes of 120 degrees during the summertime outside. just imagine INSIDE, the extreme heat in a metal and concrete bulding with no heat or air conditioning. (akin to being stuck under a sweaty armpit)i would dump water on myself from head to toe just so i wouldn't overheat and at the end of the day smell like a dirty sock. not to mention the dark black mosquitoes that would bite like thumbtacks all over from head to toe while working, even the face (think why skin got thick) . it was a well paying but miserable job. we also had to stack empty pallets. chep pallets were the worst made of thick wood. well breaktime was the time for the next attack with the rubber turd. understand that you get so tired and hungry doing this. instead of a little baggie for lunch, it turns into a large grocery sack. the paper ones. this is lunch. well, we were all sitting around the big table, enjoying the blessed air conditioning taking respite from our misery. i casually flopped the turd under the trued table while making smalltalk. then i said, "how did THAT get there" in mock horror. well once again the reaction was quite unexpected. these huge burly men acted just like a woman standing on a chair to escape a mouse because of their terror. well, i horrified them when actually going to pick up this disgusting thing. well when i flipped it and said "it's rubber" we were laughing so hard it brought tears to all of our eyes and it made the day so much better. well, i have saved the best for last. here is an entirely different world in my worklife. i take you now from humid gruntwork to a job many would envy. from being heavy set to feather light regarding my weight. from dirt and sweat to glamour. my job at bally's casino as a coctail waitress. it would not be unusual for me to spend as long as three hours primping to get ready for work, with the glitter, the makeup the fake eyelashes and all. then the uniform, which guests seemed to love, but we ourselves thought hideous. seemed like corporate wanted to torture us with ugly uniforms. mine was a "dress" very short which had a bodice which crushed your boobs flat (despite being busty would stuff shoulder pads in to make better tips) and a hideous ruffle at the back made your butt have the same size as a hippo. the "skirt" was so short that you had to wear a spandex panty underneath. the fabric could have graced a couch in Liberachi's mansion. not to mention walking around in heels and black stocking carrying drinks. back then i was most sttriking, and my hair was dyed blond and quite long. well, one day when off i was in ike's drug store in memphis, tn. they also had novelties, and when i saw one of them i once again said, "i HAVE to have this" is was 10.99 and a new item. it was a fart machine. it had a speaker and a clip to wear with a button would work up to 500 feet away for stealth dainty cocktail waitress? five realistic fart sounds? too funny! anyway, i took it to work on grave shift. i hid the speaker in my crown royal bag for tips and clipped the button to my lil panty. i went into the brakroom and sat at a table daintily crossing my legs. then i waited for my foirst victim. well it was a couple that both worked for the casino in different positions. the disgusted looks increased with each different fart sound. when i revealed it was a machine, they were rolling on the floor laughing. the blackjack dealers got a prticular kick out of it and quietly sat trying to keep a straight face awaiting to see what would happen to the next victim. one black guy who worked in the kitchen was sittting up on a stack of six chairs taking a nap. well, when i "let er rip" he was so startled he fell offf the stack of chairs and we all had a good laugh. the best part was the 500 feet away feature. the blackjack pit happened to be five hundred feet away from the bar. we could leave our tip bags behind the bar for safekeeping. so i left the crown royal bag behind the bar on a shelf where two bartenders walked back and forth. it was funny, they kept on looking at eachother when the fats went a flying. too funny. a guest was in stiches when i showed her, and the tips were great that night, lol.

[ladycolorado]

well Friski, i love you have been adding humor posts on here. this is good, sometimes we need to have a good laugh. well, now i am composing a sequel for you and the and the others to get a giggle from. practical jokes i have played on others. not out of spitefulness, but to add mirth to the everyday grind of things. well first off , it seemed like my life in Memphis tn with my folks and my former career in the casino industry working fatigue filled grave shift was good fodder for getting silly to stay awake. also, my three and a half year stint for family dollar distribution center (how i got to really get to know their products are cool) in a hellish environment of humid heat and no ac or heat and wanting to have fun. well i will start with the first story in my trilogy (ever notice how things come in threes?). one day at home with my folks, my step-dad played a cool joke on me. he opened the door to the Cadillac and said, HOW did THIS get in here? i looked in horror to see a dog turd and was quite baffled and disgusted. well, then he was laughing hard at my expense to show me it was rubber, which was quite funny. i thought to myself, i HAVE to have that! well sure enough where else to take it then a sweaty miserable warehouse that was my work, and so i did. first off, i placed it into a plastic tote , they were notorious for having gross stuff in them when returned. i called my friend Babara Hopkins over, a cute little black girl with a mouse like voice. well, the reaction was not what i would have expected, it was horror! her face turned ashen and she screamed like it was a tarantula or something! she was still shaking poor girl, when i showed her it was rubber. it did look real even had the glisten of a real turd. i kinda felt bad after that one, but had to forge on with the great experiment! my next victim was a module cleaner, a nice white older lady named Evelyn who was a module cleaner. she was sweeping an area and when she was not looking i plopped the rubber turd down on the ground. i said to her "don't you think you should DO something about THAT?" well, her face became so twisted with a look of disgust that her lip curled in a way that would have made Elvis proud with his famous sneer. when i showed her it was fakes our sides hurt with laughing. well, time for a third experiment. i was at that time a bulk orderfiller, no easy job for a woman. i threw 425 cases an hour many weighing 60-90 lbs onto a conveyor belt so they could go to shipping. things like electric blankets and bulky things too. and very heavy stuff like twelvepacks of detergent powdered which i had to get with a leg too to throw. the liquids on the ground floor were the heaviest. i was darn good at that job too, all the men really resected me for my strength. then you also have to consider that west memphis ar is a miserable little place. humid and heat indexes of 120 degrees during the summertime outside. just imagine INSIDE, the extreme heat in a metal and concrete bulding with no heat or air conditioning. (akin to being stuck under a sweaty armpit)i would dump water on myself from head to toe just so i wouldn't overheat and at the end of the day smell like a dirty sock. not to mention the dark black mosquitoes that would bite like thumbtacks all over from head to toe while working, even the face (think why skin got thick) . it was a well paying but miserable job. we also had to stack empty pallets. chep pallets were the worst made of thick wood. well breaktime was the time for the next attack with the rubber turd. understand that you get so tired and hungry doing this. instead of a little baggie for lunch, it turns into a large grocery sack. the paper ones. this is lunch. well, we were all sitting around the big table, enjoying the blessed air conditioning taking respite from our misery. i casually flopped the turd under the trued table while making smalltalk. then i said, "how did THAT get there" in mock horror. well once again the reaction was quite unexpected. these huge burly men acted just like a woman standing on a chair to escape a mouse because of their terror. well, i horrified them when actually going to pick up this disgusting thing. well when i flipped it and said "it's rubber" we were laughing so hard it brought tears to all of our eyes and it made the day so much better. well, i have saved the best for last. here is an entirely different world in my worklife. i take you now from humid gruntwork to a job many would envy. from being heavy set to feather light regarding my weight. from dirt and sweat to glamour. my job at bally's casino as a coctail waitress. it would not be unusual for me to spend as long as three hours primping to get ready for work, with the glitter, the makeup the fake eyelashes and all. then the uniform, which guests seemed to love, but we ourselves thought hideous. seemed like corporate wanted to torture us with ugly uniforms. mine was a "dress" very short which had a bodice which crushed your boobs flat (despite being busty would stuff shoulder pads in to make better tips) and a hideous ruffle at the back made your butt have the same size as a hippo. the "skirt" was so short that you had to wear a spandex panty underneath. the fabric could have graced a couch in Liberachi's mansion. not to mention walking around in heels and black stocking carrying drinks. back then i was most sttriking, and my hair was dyed blond and quite long. well, one day when off i was in ike's drug store in memphis, tn. they also had novelties, and when i saw one of them i once again said, "i HAVE to have this" is was 10.99 and a new item. it was a fart machine. it had a speaker and a clip to wear with a button would work up to 500 feet away for stealth dainty cocktail waitress? five realistic fart sounds? too funny! anyway, i took it to work on grave shift. i hid the speaker in my crown royal bag for tips and clipped the button to my lil panty. i went into the brakroom and sat at a table daintily crossing my legs. then i waited for my foirst victim. well it was a couple that both worked for the casino in different positions. the disgusted looks increased with each different fart sound. when i revealed it was a machine, they were rolling on the floor laughing. the blackjack dealers got a prticular kick out of it and quietly sat trying to keep a straight face awaiting to see what would happen to the next victim. one black guy who worked in the kitchen was sittting up on a stack of six chairs taking a nap. well, when i "let er rip" he was so startled he fell offf the stack of chairs and we all had a good laugh. the best part was the 500 feet away feature. the blackjack pit happened to be five hundred feet away from the bar. we could leave our tip bags behind the bar for safekeeping. so i left the crown royal bag behind the bar on a shelf where two bartenders walked back and forth. it was funny, they kept on looking at eachother when the fats went a flying. too funny. a guest was in stiches when i showed her, and the tips were great that night, lol.