Absolutely Nothing

[tcmgpt13]

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
And that was what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it.

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence:A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much make-up
That made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly.

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen.

Anonymous

Absolutely Nothing

[Sadsack]

Heart wrenching, and a strange parallel to all of this. My eyes are misting, but I have a physical therapy appointment so I have to pull myself together and put on my "normal person" as I do when I go out into public.

I often wonder - who else is pretending that everything is as it was, and look at me and say "Why can't I have a normal life like her?" That is what I do when I am out in public...I look at the innocence, wonder what they are thinking about, as my thoughts always revolve around this nightmare that, one day, I couldn't wake up from.

SS

[jonsi]

Wo hoh girlfriend tcm!

Where did you find that? It is sooo sad.

SS, I know how you feel too... Even I am well now, I feel like I am different than others.

This weekend I was invited to a private party at "El Rancho de Las Golindrinas" outside of Santa Fe to play my fiddle with some friends. We were the second band out of 6 to play this evening. Check our 2bers, one foundation native fire, and La Junta bands.

The next morning I was sitting around a spring fed pond with some of my new young friends & and we were sharing stories and experiences, and I felt compelled to share with them my experience with "Morgellons", my weird disease. No one had ever heard of "M" before and they probably wondered about me! But they listened and soon we went on to someone else's story about what they had been through.

As long as we have each other (fellow morgies) and the support we give each other there is no reason to give up on ourselves. If you are new to this disease and to this site, I promise you that you are on the path to better health. We will listen and put notes written (whatever color of paper) in our hearts. Please know that you are not alone!

In the white light,
~jonsi

[tcmgpt13]

Hi Jonsi,

I guess I was thinking of Nancy (Chester) and missing her presence here on the forum. She had so many terrific insights and was so supportive to many here on MDR. What happened to her family when her son-in--law became depressed about Morgellons and took this way out was in my thoughts. For some reason I came across this poem. I hope all who become this depressed about this illness will not go along this road. It is sad that anyone would become that desperate. It is a shock to read this poem. It made me realize that we need to think of family and friends first, no matter how meaningless life may seem. There is always a helping hand if we reach out. And we can get better as you know. I can now also attest to that. I may not yet be entirely well, but I am a lot better now than I was.

I think it was great that you could safely share your story about battling this illness with others. Talking about this illness helps keep us sane I think and helps lift depression. So if the only place it is safe to discuss Morgellons is here, I hope others will do that. It can help lift feelings of hopelessness and depression to share how one feels and then get some support.

tcmxxx

Just adding this link to show how support can be found here on this site as there are a lot of caring people here:

Having Panic attack right niw!!