25 Things I Owe My Mother For

[niecy]

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
' Because I said so, that's why.'

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'

7. My mother taught me IRONY
'Keep crying, and I'll! give you something to cry about.'

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
'Stop acting like your father!'

15. My mother taught me about ENVY .
'There are millions of less f! ortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
'Just wait until we get home.'

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
'You are going to get it when you get home!'

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'

19. My mother taught me ESP.
'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
'You're just like your father.'

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'

24. M! y mother taught me WISDOM.
'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE ..
'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.

[Jo]

Love it Niecy very good

xxxxxxxxxx

[Kritters]

thanks Niecy!
We can all use a good laugh!!!
Kritts

[niecy]

Do you have kids? Or parents? Just joking of course.........but, I have actually heard many of these phrases over my life.......could explain quite a bit.

Makes you wonder don't it Aliester? LOL

Niecy

Originally Posted by aliester

twisted bastards!

[niecy]

I actually started this thread so there would be a place to share things that tickled our funny bones. This one really did, so I wanted to share it with all of you.

Have a great day!!!

Niecy

I removed this post as I thought it was in bad taste.

[Natalie]

Oh my God, that was funny, and disgusting!! Oh man, where did you hear that one? You dont have it memorized do you? Funny stuff, and NOT a dirty word!

[niecy]

This is Serious!
Subject: Wash Them First (please don't Erase) Read!



This is Serious!This incident happened recently in North Texas.
A woman went boating one Sunday taking with her some cans of coke which she put into the refrigerator of the boat. On Monday she was taken to the hospital and placed in the Intensive Care Unit. She died on Wednesday.

The autopsy concluded she died of L eptospirosis. This was traced to the can of coke she drank from, not using a glass. Tests showed that the can was infected by dried rat urine and hence the disease Leptospirosis.

Rat urine contains toxic and deathly substances. It is highly recommended to thoroughly wash the upper part of soda cans before drinking out of them. The cans are typically stocked in warehouses and transported straight to the shops without being cleaned.

A study at NYCU showed that the tops of soda cans are more contaminated than public toilets (i.e).. full of germs and bacteria. So wash them with water before putting them to the mouth to avoid any kind of fatal accident.

Please forward this message to a ll the pe ople you care about.
(I JUST DID)

[Natalie]

Now I see all the good stuff Im missing from staying away from this place. Sometimes I hide but I shouldnt, this is the place to live ya know?

Number 16 and 22 on the list. I got hell for looking and acting like the old man!
Sounds like we were raised by the same parents!

[niecy]

SORRY.....I WILL HAVE TO GET SOMEONE TO POST THIS FOR ME....MY MUTER WON'T POST ALL THE IMAGES!!!

NIECY

[niecy]

Hey everyone!! I was just reading some emails and wanted to share this with ya. It is only in fun, and hopefully will give someone a good laugh!!

Love to all!!
Niecy

Date: Monday, January 5, 2009, 6:22 PM

CDC ALERT

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically.

This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises. Take two good friends to the nearest grocery store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooted (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system. You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life .