I think I'm at the end of my rope!

[maddie1540]

Hi from Folsom, CA (I hope I'm posting in the correct area). I've had this disease for years now, but was only diagnosed about five years ago with it in the left eye.I won't elaborate on the details, as you've heard them again and again! It has now progressed through my entire body. I am now at the point whereI'm 90% disfunctional (from fear, of course). The more I read the forum, it's seems the less I know about the disease and how to treat it environmentally.

I lost my home and car, rented an apartment which became infected, moved again, and am now living in a rented condo (I've been here for about a year) and this place seems worse than the others -- I'm afraid it's beyond recovery APPARENTLY, I'M DOING SOMETHING WRONG! The cabinets below the kitchen and bathroom sinks are are full of round swollen circles with a hole in the middle and I now have a nematode (about two inches long -- the one shaped like a comma, orange in color), sitting on top of my dryer. This is about the third one of these I've seen. My small balcony is turning blacker and blacker, and scatted with many strange bugs. I could go on and on!

I did read on lymebusters that if you have cabinets made out of pressboard, to get out fast -- something to do with the glue. This has proven to be true as everything I put in the cabinets starts attracting the black specks. Has anyone else had this problem with pressboard?

I live alone and have no help. I developed scoliosis with a 40% curve which was a shock, and have two disinegrated discs and two pinched nerves which inhibits me from doing a lot of heavy cleaning because of the swelling and pain in my back. There are times I can't even walk down the stairs. Like many others, I've lost my family and friends, etc. By the way, I agree with Barak (F---) them all!

Anyway, I've just about given up -- life is nothing but torture every day -- I'd rather be sleeping! Who wants to live everyday with paranoia and a mop -- that's no life for me! I don't know what to do or who I can talk to who could possibly give me some direction or some glimmer of hope. I've replaced two large mirrors in the bathroom and my medicine cabinet which were covered with, which I believe to be fungus.

I've lost my dignity, I've been ridiculed, was even arrested and taken to some pshco place for evaluation (released in an hour). I made a big mistake there -- should have tried to sue the sheriffs dept as they entered my house illegally, handcuffed me and threw me in a sheriff's car. The B------'-! I don't think they've ever heard language like that come out from an old lady's mouth.

Please forgive me for all the errors -- I can't believe I could have even typed this. I'M JUST TOTALLY GONE!!!

Any help you could give me would be so greatly appreciated -- you're about my last hope!

I'm sorry, I meant to start out by saying what a wonderful group of people you are with wonderful attitudes and courage.

Thank you so much.

[Kritters]

Maddie,

I'm so, so sorry to hear about all you've been through.

You HAVE to get out of that apartment! It sounds like it's totally full of mold and will only make you sicker. If you cannot leave, you have to get rid of the mold the best you can. We have so much info here on that.

I'll be back but I have to go right now. I'm sure someone will start telling you different things you can do.

Don't worry, you're not alone.

Kritts

[Bee]

Hi Maddie, My people don't want to hear me talk about any of this either.
Seems everybody but us are in denial and we don't know what to beleive either.Everyone here will advise you to do something different. You just have to do what you can afford and is available. I'm better than I was. I mostly just got lesions on my face. But now hardly any.

Recently I started B-12 shots to help me breath better. My dr said they help with pain. Now when I breath hard it doesn't hurt. I can see how they would help a lot of people with pain and help heal.

Glad you signed up, we need more soldiers out here on the front lines.

[ChatCat]

Hi Maddie,


We totally understand everything that you have shared. Including wanting to give up.
Morg is the worst and we all have been burned by it's torment.

Please hang in there and stick with us. We are a family who cares and knows what it is like.

There is hope for you to get better. It will be work, but you will make good progress like many of us here have.

Please know that we love and care about you.
It will get better, just hold tight and give this forum a chance to help.

God bless you, cc

[fracty]

Yes, Maddie, we do care so please hang in there.

As a temporary easy help for the environment I wonder if you could just put vinegar in an empty spray bottle and spray it on everything each time you walk by - or even from a seated position. It is non-toxic. That is one thing I did that helped. Plus I threw everything away which is sad, but I think helped so much.

I'm reallly not sure what the best strategy would be for your body, but maybe someone here can give you some ideas. Please keep in close contact w us here and let us know how you are doing and anything that is helping.

If we know what is helping it might give some of us ideas of other things that might be helpful for you.

Well, lots of love to you, and I will keep you in my prayers.

[fracty]

I just want to add, for all of us here, this is another prime example of why we need to stick together and see this through to bring it out into the open until NO ONE ever goes through something like this again. We have to stay united, even if we get well, and keep searching for ways to get the truth out.

[janedoe]

dont give up yet sweetie, you found this site and thats good becasue there are some very nice people here.
i can relate to you bigtime, im at the end of my rope right now too..
welcome here, your amoung friends and nice people

[jonsi]

Hi maddie, I have some free tips that won't cure you but I hope they might help you through the day.

I don't know where you live, but if you can go outside and catch some sunshine it might help (vitamin D).

Turn off the tv and put on some music.

Send us (me or whoever you connect with) a personal message (pm) and we can share our phone numbers. Talking to someone who has "M" really does help. If you don't know how to send a "pm" just ask, someone will walk you through it.

My regimen seems easy to me because I have found a routine. Every one who has gotten better has their own regimen. I'm not going to post mine right here (again). You have a lot of info here on this site and a lot of different opinions on what works for us "morgies".

I think talking to someone would really help you get through this...

(your post was great! Good job!)

Peace, better health & love to YOU

In the white light,
~jonsi

[janedoe]

when i feel depression sneaking in, i rearrangefurniture.. it helps!! you get tired and you get a clean room to look at..

[DucknCover]

Hi Maddie,

Just making light of the bad situation we all are experiencing. It sounds to me like you are acting as a kind antenna of sorts. I mean that quite literally. I've found the physical manifestations such as those your describing tend to follow strong electrical activity within your own body/mind. You may even feel that at times your dealing with an alternate reality.

Two things for you right off the bat.

First, get your rest and second get away from any stimulants. Coffee, prescription and even over the counter stimulants. It can be enticing to take stimulants to relieve the brain fog but it shortly turns and bites you in the butt with all the other weird bugs and manifestations that just drive you down farther.

Often times people with Morgellons are also targets of Gang Stalking/Cause Stalking (google them) which causes adrenaline levels to rise ergo electrical activity and blamo the perpetrators have just increased the electrical supply to the devices and if they can get you to acknowledge to others that people are following you or harassing you then they can make you appear unstable so that all of your claims are discounted as well. They then have a lovely and isolated lab rat to torture with as they please. I know I've both issues occur to me, simultaneousness. Talk about stressful!

But, you know, I honestly have come away from the experience feeling blessed that God allowed me to go through it. Now, I can help people like you and others who are being set upon by these misguided souls. Since I've always wanted to help people I guess my prayers were answered eh?


Moving along, see if you can get to LA and visit a Dr Hildegarde Staninger. She is in my opinion the foremost authority on this phenomenon as well as it's even more bizarre side shows and end game. She can help you get better. Also, check out healinggrapevine .com Recover Now with the Dr Hildegarde Staninger Detox Protocol. Another lady that can provide counselling for you can be found here: healinggrapevine .com/recover-now.html

Another tip for keeping the electrical activity down in your living area. A Couple items come to mind. One, don't use any electrostatic/ionizer type air cleaners! These add a charge the air that Morgs go age crap crazy over. Next, get a cheap quart spray bottle and mix 1 part liquid fabric softener, Downy etc, with 9 parts water. Set the nozzle to a very fine mist and walk all over your dwelling spraying about 2 feet off the floor , furniture , drapes etc. This will short circuit the little bastards and keep them from assembling as so enjoy doing when the current strikes them. One thing static electricity loving nano machine hate is anti-static spray.

Then of course, vacuum and dust often (not hourly, but perhaps every other day till you break the critical mass they're currently enjoying) mist the fabric softener dilution at least every 4 day to start.

Oh! One additional ingredient to add to the spray bottle. Go to your local pharmacy and get a small bottle of shampoo containing Coal Tar or Pine Tar. Add about a 1/8 to 1/4 tsp to the spray mixture. This serves one purpose. It basically acts as a very mild adhesive to keep the dust and fibers from moving and congregating unimpeded. It also keeps the them from flying away when you dust, sweep , vacuum or just move around during daily activities.


Make sure you look under all of your thrown rugs and use an edge tool on the vac. to get all the nooks and crannies that dirt and dust can hide. Don't forget to get the tops of draperies as well as picture frames and moldings. Check your vehicle too. Clean and spray it down just as you would your house.

As for the circular rings in your bath area I've not seen those before. Can you take a photo so we can see what they look like?

These things can grow to be quite large! I discovered one a few days ago under a nice throw rug in my master bath. It was actually unravelling an entire row of yarn and forming a morg that was, at the point I found it, about 3" long and and 1" wide. Classic morg shape, head, body etc etc. I've got penned up in a trash bag awaiting the day when the Smithsonian puts an exhibit together. It's a beauty!

And hang in there Maddie. This is a weird thing we're all dealing with but the worst thing you can do throughout the trial is to not give your body the rest it needs and to allow the electrical activity in and around you further energize the stuff. Remove and reduce as much electronic gear in and around you that you can.

One parting suggestion. Go to your local Costco or order online a intestinal cleanser called Dual Action Cleanse. Get on the program and follow it to the letter. After about 14 days the breeding ground within your gut which contains, what I'll call the Queen Morg, should finally come piling out of you. You may be shocked and disturbed by what you see, I was, but better you see it out of you than let it remain inside! I also added two cups of Aloe Vera Leaf juice to the daily regime which I believe provided additional benefits that I won't go into at length now.

You need to get the stuff out of your gut! Very Very Important! It was a turning point for my health.