New to site long time infected

[shantix]

So about 10 years ago I had two hands full of bright red knuckles, swollen and in pain. It went away. Three years later my right shoulder kept me awake, with excruciating pain for about a week. I went to see my father, a family doctor, he took some blood and it came back + for Rheumatoid arthritis factor, + my grandmother and great aunt have been diagnosed with the disease, both are deceased.

I lived in Colorado at the time, and moved to Texas and traveled back and forth to Florida for about six months. I was taking Plaquenil, it did not help. I came back to Colorado and immediately started to see fiber in sores that just presented differently. They were calloused and did not heal. I had at least 20 all over the body, especially on the arms. I told my dad and he said I was seeing things and had me go see a psychiatrist who prescribed me an antipsychotic, it didn't help. I went to see a dermatologist, he said I had delusional parasitosis. I saw something move in my right eye. I went to the emergency room. The ER Doc sent me home...no charge..because he wouldn't treat me after looking into my eye for a minute.

My dad said I was delusional, all the doctors thought so...I accepted I was losing my mind and forced myself to ignore the fibers, the itching, the biting, the sores, the hyper/hypo pigmentation that scarred my entire body, the thick scars, and the loss of my beauty...my facial skin had a weird, older looking, different texture that aged me practically over night. Eventually, I went to a medi-spa and got some Obagi and retin-A , $500.00 for six months, so that I could enter into society again, now a horribly scarred recluse. It worked, the weird skin went away and my life retuirned to normal. I never spoke of the fibers. My RA went away. I started my graduate degree, got married, and had two daughters ages 2 and 3 months. My 2 year old was a fussy baby, she had digestion problems, and seemed like she was suffering a lot, too young to tell me what was going on I filled her with mylicon tummy drops, and even a barbiturate prescribed for colic, it didn't work. Recently she has developed a rash that is persistent and will not go away. The allergist said she is not allergic to anything, after testing. My 3 month old was not gaining weight in utero, my water broke on time though and she was seemingly healthy, but on the small side. I had a horrible time during my pregnancy. My "arthritis came on strong, with a vengeance. I missed multiple days of work, suffered through strange "viral" infections that no one could diagnose, and felt like I was hit by a truck for nine months, all the time thinking I had RA. My rheumatologist has recently informed me that my RA might be a misdiagnosis, as I am not presenting with common symptoms, and sometimes people can test positive for RA but not have the disease, More would be determined once I stopped breastfeeding.

Not being able to continue my skin care while pregnant, I started back on Obagi recently, and all of a sudden, the fibers, the sores, and the biting/itching are back. The first time I had it, there was nothing on the internet about it. My brother called me and said that he had recently heard of Morgellon's disease and it was just like what I had described 7 years earlier. Since then, I have decided maybe I have had morgellon's disease not RA this whole time, that I am not crazy, my morgellons is causing me excruciating pain in my joints, muscles, and newly discovered nerve pain, in my upper body, and pain in my feet significantly more in the right than the left.

Now, my newborn is starting to cry after feeding, she twitches, and is having digestion issues. I noticed a fiber on my nipple the other day and decided that if one was there now, she could have easily swallowed one earlier. The idea that my babies have been infected and I unknowingly transmitted this to them is tearing me apart, as well as scaring me to death. My husband is not supportive, and worries that I am becoming obsessed with Morgellons, we have decided not to talk about it anymore.

Some history:
I was born in Colorado, and lived there practically my entire life. My parents are from Texas, we have visited that state at least once a year since before I can remember. My mom has a very sick side of the family:
Maternal grandmother- Rheumatoid Arthritis
Maternal Grandfather- Parkinson's Disease
Maternal Uncle- Mastocytosis
Mother-Early onset Alzheimer's

All are deceased

The following is a list of people that I have lived with since the initial arrival of swollen hand knuckles:

C- ex-boyfriend: is now on blood thinners has blood clots and had to have two ribs removed
Mom: Died early onset Alzheimer's
G- rommmate has some weird brain disease now
A- roommate Rheumatoid arthritis, depression
J- some weird rash that will not go away, weird sore that heal slowly, and leave hypopigmented scars.
J-step mom, weird rash, foot pain, depression, and joint pain
Daughter- rash, now she says her toes and fingers hurt
Daughter- 3 months crying after feeding, could be normal
Husband- shoulder pain, things itching his eyes, total denial it could be morgellons
Me- diagnosed RA (now considered misdiagnosis), peripheral neuropathy, fibromyalgia,depression, bi-polar, melorheostosis left arm since age one

Could I be infecting everyone around me, how could I be so careless as to give this to my children, and my two dogs by the way, I am so scared. I can't take being told I am delusional by another doctor and I am so worried about my children. We are moving in one month into our new house, I do not want to infect the new house. Does anyone have any ideas, words of wisdom, suggestions..I am desperate.