New to the site......

[Just Me]

....hey everyone.... ive been lookin through some posts for the last week or 2 ....finally introducing myself.....my name is Jamie....... im pretty sure ive got this..... and it's really taking its toll on me..... i started an antibiotic 2 weeks ago and am supposed to go back to the dermatologist in about 2 weeks.... i really dont know how long i have had this.... but it didnt reallllly start affecting me tooo badly until maybe a month or 2 ago.

I do remember about 2 years ago, at the tanning bed, rubbing lotion on myself and on my belly, there were some dark specks .....but i didnt think much at the time cuz i was using bronzing lotions thought i thought it was just dark dead skin.... (i havent tanned in over a year now though and im pretty fair skinned)...so theres' no excuse for why its happening when my skin gets moist now.... and the fact that ive been OCD with other things in my life isnt helpin matters. ....about a month ago, when i noticed it, i decided..ok if this is accumulated dead skin, i have some amlactin, let's make a day of it....im gonna keep rubbin and rubbin till i get to my initial skin layer..... get it over and done with...... ....well 4 or 5 hours, stuff was still coming... i was exhausted...i had to stop..was just like ....what the h*ll?!? apparently i angered a vein in my calf with all the rubbing too...cuz it turned into a nasttty bruise that is just finally startin to look decent... but yeah... the stuff is like never ending..... i hate it.....

I also know that i remember 2 or 3 years ago, when i was with my ex, he used to get onto me about some scars id get on my arms... he said they looked like cigarette burns...which they kinda did....hed get onto me sayin i needed to leave them alone...(but i didnt really do anything much to them)....so they would heal.....as well as some scalp bumps i would get every once in a while... so even though it wasnt like ridiculous, there was some evidence of it years ago..... that, along with the tanning scenario....

im 25. ive dealt with depression, anxiety, ocd, and add for quite a bit of my life (although i didnt recieve any help for add until this year...i am on medication for that) ......i took meds for depression when i was a teenager...but i was off for a long time and then about 3 years ago, i started lexapro for a month or two.... i stopped though cuz my hair was thinning a lotttttt. i assumed it was the medication, but now i dont know. (i was also under a tremendous amount of stress at the time, which could contribute to it) i have fine, thin to begin with....so losing what i did was scary.... and its never really come back... ...and it seems the past month or so, it is gettin even worse.... (again, it could be the tremendous stress im feeling now) ... but now i just dont know....

about 3 months ago, i went to the dermatologist for the first time.... ...i mentioned how i sometimes get the bumps and stuff...and on the scalp..and was wondering if the bumps could have anything to do with my hair issues, etc... (at the time i had not yet looked into M)... was just goin for general issues...... she said it looked like folliculitis... she prescribed minocycline.... i requested retin - a to help with just like smoothin out face, etc.... and got prescription nizoral shampoo. There were refills on the minocycline, but i just ended up usin the one month... i use the nizoral sometimes....but dont really notice too much difference in scalp...it dries the hair..and my fine thin hair is extremely deliccate now so i gotta be creful with it...

well a month and a half or 2 later, i googled up terms dealing with stuff comin out of pores..and come across M..... and im like.... OMG....

so about 2 weeks ago...i go back to the derm..... have some fibers on a paper towel that ive rubbed off. i have sores on my belly, arms and face ....im a lil nervous to mention what i think it might be, but i have some info printed out just in case..... i ask her about it and she has heard about it....but doesnt really know much about it.... shes very nice about it.... but its still not all that comforting, that not really much is known about it... She prescribed me a diff antibiotic...bactrin i think.... and 2 creams to try to help with healing ...... there is some improvement in the scars that were evident when i went... but still not healed near as much as i feel they should be now.... sooo slow .... and thers new stuff comin .... my face is ...ughh ...on my eyebrow and forehead .....one on my nose is finally kinda acceptable... but my chin is a mess ..... my arms still have the scars but theyve gotten a lil smaller...same on my stomach .... got some on my chest area.... ...... i dont know that i can really say its gettin any better.... like i said those ones are sloowwwwwly gettin smaller.... but new ones are surfacing.... and they are very stubborn... its sooo frustrating...and they hurt.....

ive been like a recluse for the most part.... its very depressing ..... ... i think im gonna see my dr tomorrow...see if he knows anyone he could refer me to....we have a good medical college around here that does a lot of research.... see if there is anything dealing with this there.... ...its just so scary to have somthin...and not know what it is or how to get better.... i feel helpless...... ...i try to stay strong, but it's just... so hard

.....like i said ive just been stayin at my house.... my moms so worried about me, about what its doin to me emotionally.... sometimes i dont even realize how much its affecting me till my mom showed up the past 2 nights with a good friend of ours, cuz she was so worried about me..... and i havent really been talkin to anyone bout it... so when they showed up to talk to me bout what im doin to myself emotionally, i cant help but breakdown and just cry ..... and im not like that usually.... ive suffered from depression but ive been more of the hold it in type...not the outwardly expressive kind... but its just really hard now....i cant seem to help it.... ..im really trying...

but yeah enough with the rambling... im sure theres plenty more i could say, but i gotta save somthin for future posts i suppose haha..... i look forward to 'talking' with some people on here.... to actually have some people who really know what its like... that are in similar situations.... ....well.... 'till then! (its late...i hope what i typed even makes sense cuz im too tired to go back over it.... haha) ....... bbyes for now!

[carla]

It all makes perfect sense to me Jamie.
What a mess this is .I wish I could tell you theres a easy cure but I can't.
Talking to others with it is what will help you get through the darkest days.


The scars like cigerette burns I know all about.

[-----------]

Hi Jamie,

You are not alone... I would say, most everyone out here has lived a similiar nightmare as you're describing, and can relate - what a b***h this disease is!

I've heard of some Morgies having hair loss issues, can someone help Jamie with this?

We've determined that stress makes this worse. Stress causes free radicals to loose in the body, free radicals cause disease. It looks like the process of these black specks being created are a free radical process, so - try to relax as much as you can! Put on the music, take salt baths... with candles, love yourself...

Know that you're in a temporary period or stage with your Morgellons. At least, you have a doctor who is willing to prescribe - which is more than some of us have had!

Just grab someone's ear - make this your own personal place to post and have others interact with you... we're here and listening...

[Just Me]

thank you so much for your replies. it is somewhat of a relief to have some people to talk to who can relate.... ..... i have about 2 weeks or so left before goin back to the derm.... but my mom is makin me go to my reg doctor today (not really MAKIN me...i know its important...but shes gettin me out the house, etc. to actually do it) ....... im gonna ask him if there is anyone he could refer me to that could help me at all (a family friend of ours recommended this general doctor to me. shes been goin to him for quite a while......hes been great so far for other unrelated things... our friend says if there is anyone around who could help, hell know who to refer me to) ....so im hoping.... my mom and our friend also want me to ask him about gettin somthin for the anxiety/depression... cuz they can see im not myself..... and i know all the negativity does nothin but add to this...whatever it is.... i really am tryin to keep positive and take it easy....but boy is it hard to stay that way.... but maybe ill get some help with it when i go see him.......

when i went to the derm 2 weeks ago, she prescribed the antibiotic and the two creams... she said if it isnt really any better after the month, we could maybe do some biopsies or somthin..... so well see..... but thats 2 more weeks... so in the meantime im gonna go to the reg doctor today and see if he knows of anybody that could offer anyy kind of help or insight... ... i sure do hope so

i have been takin baths with various things such as borax, menthol, epsom salt, alfalfa tablets. I started taking olive leaf extract, black walnut hull, l-lysine, digestive enzyme, biotin (for hair) .... although the past few days ive been slackin alil honestly ..... ive been consuming a few tablespoons of coconut oil and applyin it to skin ..... using apple cider vinegar on skin.... ..i was consuming 2 tablespoons of organic apple cider vinegar ..but ive been slackin with tht too...need to start again..... i have a lil detox soap and a grapefruit extract soap... but to really get some film off, i need to scrub hard...but even that doesnt get rid of it.... does it feel to anyone else that they have some kinda film all over their body(not just on scars)? its not as obvious of course....but im wonderin if theres some kind of 'protective layer' all over the body for whatever it is... i dunno..... ....ive also got some detox tea ive been drinkin ...im tryin to go a lil more organic in my diet to see if that helps...but its hard in america today...seems like almost everything is 'fake' around here ....use tea tree oil .... menthol rub ... ...

i have a couple things on the way in the mail, such as GSE and detox bath...have to check my order to see what else..... but yeah ....ughh i dunno....

anyways.... my moms tellin me i need to get up so we can go right now, so i will be back later ..... Be well till then.....

[gigi22]

Jamie -

You are not alone. Hang in there.

Yes, I noticed the filmy substance on my skin before I saw any other signs (black/white specks, lesions). I was taking Apple Cider Vinegar baths for candida, and I really could see the filmy stuff on my skin, I could scrape it off and it was white. I thought it was yeast, but this stuff has not gone away although my yeast load is better now. So, without me knowing it, it was one of the first symptoms I noticed.