Dear friend sadsack..
Just know the worst if over. Have Faith. You have friends, and in this world to have one true friend is to be blessed.
I started my loft when my husband was still alive. He died of agent orange causes in '99. I suggest you read the post 'The Truth and Nothing but the Truth' on this URL. Hundreds have read it, and I believe the words spoken brought courage to each soul.
The Whole Truth and Nothing But The Truth
When the time comes, I myself will send you young canaries, if you want me to, enough to start another loft. I got my birds.. I called them the motley crew, when an acquaintance was about to cull them. They were throwbacks to the wren family from whence they were bred. They weren't necessarily what a canary lover would consider pretty. They were mostly brown with a few flecks of yellow. Somehow, with each new birth, they would be more beautiful, the coloring of fresh butter, even lighter~~~~~ almost pale yellow/cream colored and even ones with the coveted red flecks.. it was amazing. When mold killed 45 of them about 4 summers ago, I thought I would lose them all. No one could help me. Then I bought a frequency/energy instrument, and the energies killed the mold. I haven't lost one since. It has taken time for the remaining 5 birds to mature and learn to be parents, and so in the years since, my loft has grown to about 23 again.
The Post Office will send live birds overnight, and when you are ready, I will send you enough to start your loft again. In the meantime, just keep Faith that a new day is dawning and we will be in a place of peace and harmony. Nothing like this will be allowed. Ever. Read what I suggested. It will help you alot. You will see that you are NOT alone. Love and hope, sent to you.